[The ornament is carved out of jade and fashioned into a butterfly. A symbol for undying love. There is no note, but the box that holds it is a creamy white with gold accents.]
[Jin Ling comes into view in the center of the frame, angling the camera so that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian can be seen in the background.]
Zewu-Jun. [He makes a cursory little bow, the best he can do while he's still holding the communicator steady.]
I asked Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei to meet with me to discuss what to do about LianFang-Zun. I fear that ostracizing my uncle will only worsen him. I remember how he spoke about having no choice, and how he was driven to his crimes because he felt trapped and isolated by his situation. I want to provide him a path to rehabilitation by making clear to him that he is not trapped and isolated. We will help him, but he has to learn to trust us to help him at times when he feels that there is no choice. He will have to work hard to earn back our trust, but I believe that helping him find the right way to do so is the best course of action.
Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei agree that we should not meet with him alone. I would like to speak with you, so that we can discuss how best to proceed before we contact him.
I have told ... Meng Yao that I will not seek him out, but neither will I avoid him. Because I agree that isolating him and making him feel trapped will only make things worse. There is much trust that needs to be earned, on both sides.
Thank you for including me in this. I think... no. I know that he has not yet figured out what he wants to do, and what he doesn't. It may take a little while. [ Remember when they last talked, Jin Ling, and Xichen pointed out that living when you're supposed to be dead isn't easy? ] Not trying to set his path will be better, just now, but keeping alert that he might not fall back into old habits of misleading... that is also important.
Other than that... I could come where you are. Or Wangji knows where to find me, if you are with him, whether you come alone or all together.
[His heart pounds. He's glad that Zewu-Jun has agreed, and that this is something the two of them--no, the three of them--will do together.]We won't set his path for him. I think the path should be something we decide all together, but it's up to the two of us to help guide him to productive ways of thinking and to get him to trust us so that we can work toward trusting him.
I'm living with Sizhui at the moment. I'd rather not get him involved, but our apartment here is quiet. We have no other roommates, so at least there would be no strangers around, and I will ask him to stay away while we meet with my uncle.
We're in De Chima. I will send the address, and once you arrive I will ask him to join us. Then the three of us can talk.
Once it's decided, Jin Ling gets up and takes the tea set from the cupboard where he hid it. He plans to be careful to see that his uncle drinks first, and not from a cup of his own choosing, but using the tea set seems very important to his plan. So he lays it out carefully on the table and chooses one of the packets of tea for the pot.
Texting Sizhui to stay away from the apartment for a few hours, he then records his invitation to his uncle and sends it. Leaving the door unlocked, he fills the kettle but waits to heat it.
He looks like a man walking to his doom or some kind of ancient spirit cut off from all he knows. Meng Yao hasn't had an interest in civilian clothing, so the robe he has chosen for today stands out like a sore thumb. However the color is nice; a soft dove grey without ornamentation. His hair is mostly how he prefers it - he had to enlist help for that - and he is notably missing the red mark in the middle of his brow that would have marked him as a Jin.
Upon reaching the right address, he knocks - only to find the door unlocked. This could be a trap. He makes himself breathe again, his hand shaking as he turns the doorknob anyway.
Jin Ling kneels at the table, looking nervous but also hopeful. "Uncle."
He performs a little bow, only a tiny bit shaky. He hasn't seen his uncle in person since... since everything.
They're the only ones here. No traps, no defenses. Zewu-Jun is a powerful cultivator, but it's also dangerous for them to be here, offering LianFang-Zun their trust.
"Zewu-Jun..." he is struck dumb; he hadn't expected to be met with him right off the bat. Meng Yao bows immediately, cautiously straightening before he follows the man inside. The chill of unease increases when he sees Jin Ling.
As much as he wants to show both of them affection, he knows it isn't welcome. Not here, not now.
He kneels at the table across from Jin Ling, expression pained.
"You both look well." and that does set some of his concerns at ease.
... in all honesty, Xichen hasn't expected quite this configuration of things - when Jin Rulan said that neither of them should meet Meng Yao alone, he had expected the supervision of one of those whose judgment is... more impartial. But this is also fair, in its way.
"Thank you." He doesn't look his best, but neither is he unsightly. Not as bad as when Wangji first found him in the streets, on his first job. "You are... afraid. I don't believe you need to be. I just... do not think it is right for others, even one of us, to try to set your course. The three of us are those who remember... all. It would probably be right to see what our expectations are. And if there are limitations that make sense. In any direction."
Because at this point they all know that there is plenty of danger, from many sides. But living in fear will not do any good.
And if Xichen is clutching the insides of his sleeves, uncertain if he makes sense at all, well. He is pretty sure neither of them will really notice.
When his uncle says he looks well, Jin Ling's hand rises subconsciously to his throat for a moment before he forces it down into his lap.
"I want..." His tidy little speeches from earlier in the day slip away from his lips as his shaking worsens. Seeing his uncle in person, he can't help but think of the bite of wire against his throat, of the look on his uncle's face when he spoke of killing Jin Ling's father. "I want to be able to trust you. And I think it's important that you be able to trust us."
This was all much more graceful in Jin Ling's head, but he pushes forward, determined to communicate what he wants to say even if it's clumsy. "I remember you saying how you had no choice. How you spoke of being isolated."
He's so badly choked up now that he's stuttering, hugging himself tightly, but he draws on all of his determination and plows forward. "We will not leave you alone. You will no longer make your choices alone."
All of them bear the scars of what he had done. Meng Yao can read others far too well to be ignorant of their misery. However Lan Xichen is, as always, a stunning and uncommonly kind man and Jin Ling is...
Growing up. His heart does a funny lurch as he listens to them. They don't want him to be isolated? They want to know what they can do to help - to prevent what happened before?
No one has ever given him that much thought or care. Meng Yao wonders, if he had been given this option, by Jin Guangshan or...anyone really...before this moment, would that have made a difference?
Surely it would have.
"Jin Ling..." he pitches his voice to be soothing, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I can say I wouldn't have killed you, but what difference does that make? I still held a wire to your throat and I destroyed your perception of my love for you."
He is far too good at that.
"I did something similar to you, Zewu-Jun. I took what you had given me and I threw it in your face as if it meant nothing to me." he closes his eyes, pained, "Without realizing it, I acted in the same way my father had treated me."
And as he watches these two trying to reach him, trying to reason with him, he sees the treasure he ruined.
"If you wish for me to stay in open communication with you, I consider that a gift."
Xichen nods, approvingly, to Jin Ling. Just so, he tries to convey, but then his attention returns to Meng Yao, thoughtful.
For his part of the words... he wilts very slightly. But his response is also very certain. "You are not your father. I know that." He breathes out carefully.
"A gift may be cherished, but still not what is needed. It... I think it would be good if, when you know what you need, and what you want, you try to talk with us about it. I don't mean beg." The clarification is immediate, and firm. "I don't mean humiliate yourself. I mean... try to work out a way to get it which will not end up hurting others. Or yourself."
He swallows, then his eyes move between the uncle and nephew and back, again.
"We cannot change the past. Nor can we stay in the past. All we have is the present, and a chance to shape the future. We don't want ... any of us to fall in the traps that we were in before. Because we can all do better, if we find the right path."
Together, he doesn't add. But as the youngest of them said... They will not leave him alone. And not in the bad way.
"I know what you did, don't remind me!" Jin Ling snaps, interrupting, when his uncle states how he's hurt him.
It then occurs to him that he'll have a lot harder time being taken seriously as a part of this conversation if he gives Zewu-Jun reason to put him under a silence spell. Jutting his lower jaw in a furious pout, he lifts his arms in front of him in a gesture of respect and holds them there, keeping himself quiet, while the adults have their turn to speak.
The moment there's enough of a pause for him to speak without being outright rude, he jumps on it, dropping his arms back to his lap.
"It's not a gift. I want you to work for it. Earn it. I don't know if you'll ever be able to earn my trust, but I promise to help you every step of the way. You don't get to bribe me to make me trust you or love you again. But you can ask to speak to me, and you can listen to what I say, and I will listen to what you say, and we can work to have a relationship based on ... mutual understanding. I..."
Breathing heavily, he looks away for a moment, his arms come up across his chest, hugging himself.
"I know that the darkest parts of you are going to be hard to love, and that you will try to hide them from me so that we can both pretend that they're not there. I want instead for you to choose a path where you will trust... us with them, and we will help you find ways to be free of that darkness."
He realizes that there are parts of this that are going to be too much for him, even with the help of Zewu-Jun. He's only a child. He shouldn't be his uncle's counselor. There are so many things that are not appropriate for his uncle to share with him. All he can do is try to find a way to be his uncle's conscience.
The air seems thinner when he is surrounded by those he loves - yes, he does love them - that he has betrayed. Meng Yao looks between them, startled by Jin Ling's outburst because it stands out starkly from Lan Xichen's softer voice. If the older man had less control, he would probably sound like Jin Ling too.
His gaze lowers to the table and he lets the words sink in, forcing his breathing to be steady. If he is gripping his empty sleeve until his knuckles are white, it is of no matter. For all of his wit, he can see no fix for this; no remedy to set things back to how they had been.
With Jin Ling smiling at him and Lan Xichen trusting him.
"I was forced...strongly encouraged..." he can't really be forced to do anything, "to attend counseling. I have been. I don't know if I can tell them everything. But you two deserve the truth. A man like myself isn't born from good circumstances. Others could suffer the same and be...good. Wholly good. I am not that sort of person." he takes a sip of tea to loosen the muscles of his throat, "When you make one bad decision, you must make another to cover up for it. Before you know it, you are willing to do anything - no matter how despicable - because you are desperate."
He is ruthless in his desperation, ready to bite, claw, kill.
"There wasn't any place for morality in the brothel or with Jin Guangshan. I learned how to be useful, I learned how to punish those who harmed me or my mother... I didn't expect to meet a man like you, Lan Xichen, or to love my nephew like a son."
Xichen's breath hisses out of his lungs at that last part, and he narrows his eyes in warning at Meng Yao. Jin Rulan might not remember Jin Rusong, but Xichen does. He remembers how Jin Guangyao at the time doted over his son. And he remembers that did not stop him from ending the boy's life, and in a way to further his plans, to destroy his enemies.
But he doesn't say it.
He does not want Meng Yao to despair, again.
Instead, he breathes out softly.
"It may take a while for this to be remembered but... a person's worth is not dependent on how useful that person is. And it should not be." Another breath. "And nor is one's redemption. Making good choices because they are good. Not for anyone's good opinion, nor for a goal that justifies what goes towards it."
He wishes he could praise the young Sect Leader Jin. Though it has been brought by pain, he has grown much in the recent weeks. But this is not the time - he will remember, later. But right now, he needs to be... reliable, so that the boy won't be hurt again, more for him being able to see now and not acting on it.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Meng Yao." He keeps his voice steady, though that is not easy at all. His own mistakes are a mountain, though he does know that they are fewer than Meng Yao's. Other than helping to make all of Meng Yao's possible. "Try to avoid them when you can, but when they happen..." His eyes move to the boy, then back to the man. "It may be difficult to own up to them. And it might be difficult for us to hear. But they are not made better if you conceal them. So please. Let somebody know. Let somebody help, rather than trying to bury them."
"Yeah, what is counseling?" Jin Ling echoes. "What do you mean forced? If you're uncomfortable with whatever it is, then you don't have to do it. I won't let anyone force you to do anything." A guilty glance over at Zewu-Jun. "We won't."
The 'like a son' line stings him, too. He never really knew Rusong, being young enough at the time that he'd been disinterested in babies and jealous for how the new infant took attention away from himself, but the revelations about Rusong's death were extremely clear, and Jin Ling's already thrown that back at his uncle more than once. Being like a son to LianFeng-Zun is not a safe thing.
He finally picks up his cup of tea, long since turned cold, and drinks from it.
His little son - his true born child - had been an unfortunate accident. Qin Su had fallen pregnant before their marriage, before he had learned about their too close blood relationship. There was no terminating the pregnancy - she had been so happy - and he couldn't deny her the marriage. She would have been ruined.
The belief that such a child would display the incestuous bond frightened Meng Yao to his core. He would lose...everything...if the world knew. He would lose Qin Su and the life he had worked so hard to acquire. He feared the little boy more than any foe. As he grew, the world would know.
So he had found a way to end his life. Quickly and quietly. He had blamed a political opponent - that was easy - and he had comforted Qin Su. Tragedies are easier to explain.
Meng Yao's gaze lingers on Lan Xichen, his longing hardly disguised. He had loved Qin Su, but that was mostly because she had feelings for him. He is a desperate creature when it comes to affection.
Then he looks back to Jin Ling and memories of holding him as a baby make his chest hurt. He had been so quiet and good when it was just them.
Not once did he feel the same fear with Jin Ling that he had experienced with Jin Rusong.
"Be that as it may, I do want to help." he gives a brief smile, "Counseling is...strange. I see a healer, they ask me questions, they wish to know about my past, how I feel and then they give me suggestions on how I might better myself."
[ They have tea nearly every day, so it's not so strange to see Wangji - except that this is a much later hour than normal and instead of meeting at his work, he's shown up at Xichen's house.
Outwardly, to most of the world, he looks no different than normal. His face impassive, his robes immaculate, his sword in one hand and his fist held behind his back.
Inwardly, he feels like a hurricane barely entrapped in glass.
He waits until his brother answers the door and then his eyes lower before he makes his short, customary bow.
He says nothing, not trusting his voice to conceal the weight of emotion currently plaguing him. He knows his brother will see some of it anyway, but he doesn't want to worry him.
[ Xichen responds to the bow, his eyes only searching through his brother's face for a moment before they widen. ]
This way.
[ He leads him directly to the bedroom, motioning Wangji to the bed. Once his brother is horizontal, Wangji turns off the light, and takes out the xiao. Not playing anything specific, only enough for Wangji's thoughts to have an external structure to coalesce against, rather than spinning out of control. Structure, and Xichen's soft, all-encompassing love for Wangji. ]
[ He follows without a word, obedient as the famed Lan disciple should be, his eyes on the floor and his steps nearly silent.
He lays where he is bade - after removing his boots - and crosses his hands over his chest, closing his eyes.
He can feel the storm attempting to batter against the soothing calm of his brother's music - attempting to crash and suffocate the calm it offers. But there is a reason he is here, and it is because it works. It doesn't remove his feelings, it doesn't strip them bare, but soon the howling winds diminish to a quieter whisper. Soon his heart rate returns to something more normal.
Eventually, his eyes open again, focusing on the ceiling above him, so foreign despite how familiar his brother's music is. He doesn't say anything, he just waits for its natural close. ]
[ The music does fade, gracefully, leaving the two of them in the darkness. Xichen doesn't need to wonder if Wangji is awake, he can hear this breathing. ]
[ He feels guilty, for the lack of explanation. He knows his brother is worried about him.
Everyone else is spreading their truth around them like rivers running of their blood, concealing nothing, revealing everything. It was asked of them. He asked it, of his own brother. But the weight of truth is baring heavily and he knows that he is unable to give the same, to any of them.
Even his brother, who of all others alive could write his history out character for character nearly identical to Wangji's heart - there are still things they did not witness together. Things his brother guesses, but does not know. Things he reads but cannot see.
He wishes he could tell his brother everything - wishes for the comfort of it - but does not wish to give the burden. And he knows he can't give it to anyone else.
But there's one truth he is struggling with very deeply. It will have to be addressed. ]
... Lan Sizhui. [ Careful, quiet. ] Unknown, to Wei Ying.
[ He hasn't told him. He's not sure he can. But that concealed truth is proving a great weight on him, even if it would be better for Sizhui not to know. ]
[ If Xichen believed that his touch would bring comfort, rather than more irritation, he would reach to caress his brother's brow. He would hold him, too, but touch is complicated. Attention is complicated.
The room is already darkened, but he shifts until he is sitting next to the bed, but with his back towards Wangji. Close enough to touch, but giving him privacy all the same.
He considers the words. ]
I have spoken - will speak, from when you both are - to young master Wei about things that you could not. [ Would not. ] I can talk to him about that, as it would bring relief without endangering Sizhui.
[ Not in this world.
It is one of the few secrets that he kept from ... Meng Yao, before. He might have guessed, but Xichen doesn't think he cared enough to try. But young master Wei... it is different. Xichen knows that he fell thinking that all those he had loved, with the exception of Wangji, were either gone or had abandoned him. Even one more person not lost to that onslaught... that will be good, no? ]
[ He appreciates the proximity, even if he does not cross it. Even if he keeps perfectly still, hands folded against his chest.
The news that Xichen speaks to Wei Ying on his behalf is not surprising. Nor does it particularly worry him. He knows that sometimes he requires translation, and he trusts his brother’s discretion and judgement.
He’s silent for a long long moment, weighing the risks. The costs. He should be the one to tell Wei Ying, but he... can’t. ]
... Do not tell him of my involvement. [ He decides, in a low, quiet tone. ]
[ He would not ask for more. He couldn’t lie if asked directly, and he wouldn’t ask his brother to. He can only hope that the question will never be posed at all.
He’s not ashamed of what he did. Far from. But placing any burden of debt on Wei Ying’s shoulders now is something he cannot bear.
The only reason he thinks Wei Ying should be told at all is that it might soothe the smallest shred of his grief. If they were home, he would not - the Wens still far too reviled.
This is as much as he can offer.
He simply nods, almost invisible in the dark, yet certain his brother will know.
There are other torments, of course. Other things he longs to have answered. But Xichen could not answer them. And even if he could, Wangji knows the answers would only bring pain.
He closes his eyes and does as his brother bades him.
A moment later, blissful darkness subsumes his thoughts and he falls into a dreamless sleep. ]
Well. Four images. The first three are so blurry that barely anything can be made out. The fourth is at least mostly in focus, and it's of a ink painting hanging in Wangji's room. ]
[ He doesn’t say anything else. Mostly because he feels like everything has been said, and partly because this conversation is already a little out of his depth.
But he appreciates it, more than Xichen could know.
He will repay his brother for everything, somehow.
Somehow, he’ll see his brother’s heart healed too. ]
[”Zewu-jun, are you home? Could you meet me outside?” That’s the text message he’ll receive from Miu, worded as politely and semi-formally as she can despite that she she’s trying to do is not, in any way, a formal thing.
[She follows obediently, but her curiosity—her Fatal Flaw—keeps her from just hanging back politely. She immediately moves to examine the painting with interest, even if she can’t recognize what it might become.
Miu makes a small noise of disbelief, resting one hand on her hip and raising an eyebrow at Xichen, her expression and her tone accusing (albeit jokingly so)]
And you paint. Zewu-jun is there anything you can’t do well? How unfair!
There are... some things. I may not be particularly good at household chores, for example. But I was raised with the expectation of becoming a sect leader, so I could not be worse at much than those I was going to lead - whether it be the Six Arts, or cultivation...
[Miu watches him with that careful, eagle-eyes gaze as if she’s trying to peel back the layers of his response—or his very soul—with each word. In the end she gives a soft hum of acknowledgement and understanding before looking away.]
Being perfect and polished and poised, because a single crack isn’t acceptable. Something like that? [Her tone is dry, disinterested, but she feels like she knows a little something about that. She clasps her hands behind her back, careful with her gift, and nods.]
Sure, I guess. I don’t plan on staying too long, but... [But tea is nice. She holds her gift out.]
And this is for you.
[Whenever he decides to open it he’ll find a chocolate bunny roughly able to fit in his palm (well in Miu’s palm, so likely it’s a bit smaller than his own). It’s clearly not professionally made and the features crude, but it’s recognizably a rabbit.]
It’s a holiday today. Though I’m pretty sure they didn’t have it in your world. Or time period, at least.
[Miu grins at him, seemingly pleased at having caught him off guard, then waves a dismissive hand at the apology] It’s fine, it’s fine. Different countries celebrate it differently, but where I’m from it’s really for girls to give the presents. In a month—on March 14th- is when the boys are supposed to give gifts back to the girls who age them presents first. That one’s called White’s Day, and your gift is supposed to be something white, or near enough.
[You know, like diamonds... Or white lingerie, but she won’t tell him that..]
It’s called Valentine’s and it’s supposed to be a holiday celebrating love. Generally it’s a pretty big day for couples and love confessions, engagements and marriages and all. But you can celebrate the love between family and friends too.
[She nods in acceptance, and then:] You guys— [And then she stops and frowns, looking down at her hands, clearly having not expected to speak up at all.
But now it feels like she can’t just backdown and she can’t think of anything quickly to lie with. She glances at Xichen and then away again, continuing to frown before she sighs and speaks quietly. ]
You...and Hangaung-jun... have been really... [She trails off and wrings her hands together, shrugging like she’s not sure how to say it.] You’ve done a lot for me. More than most people would. You both... You’ve made me feel like I. Actually belong somewhere. I guess.
Jin Ling is with me. There is something wrong with him, but he has no desire to leave me at present. I can keep him safe.
I need answers. He says he encountered someone with a heart symbol on his chest and white hair. After that he stopped being able to properly access his golden core. I have checked; it is intact. However he is not himself.
I don't have answers. I think what Wangji encountered with the sword was akin to what was described in the 'majority report' information? This might be connected, too.
I talked with him, when he left at the Lanterns Festival celebration. He agreed to... aid me in *my* redemption for failing to see the things that were wrong. To look with me, and let me take actions.
I trust him to abide by his commitment.
And I trust that in this matter, he will not find the information you gave is wrong, because you have no reason to come up with any of it.
I noticed his sudden absence. I had no control over how Lady Miu and Jin Ling reacted to me. I fully expected him to ignore me, in fact, and if he had not been intoxicated, I believe that is what he would have done.
He has not let me touch him since Guanyin Temple, yet he came here and he has sought comfort again. We spent several hours resting together with Fairy on his other side. I miss him.
I have encouraged him to eat and drink. His body is safe; it's his heart that seems lost. If Hanguang-Jun can find it, he has my loyalty.
Wangji is trying to process the role you played in young Master Wei's fate. In a way, you stole a life from him; in another, you stole sixteen years. Perhaps things would still have worked that way if you had not gotten involved, but there is no way to know.
For Wangji, to see you getting affection when his lifetime confidant can barely accept himself deserving of any
It pained him. And a part of him thought that you have tricked them into affection.
But the past cannot be undone. I believe that you have not done so on purpose, and I believe you about Jin Rulan now.
We will look for a solution, or at least information.
He is in love with him. [For all of his faults, Meng Yao has a keen eye. Others - Mo Xuanyu, Qin Su - had been in love with him and he had used it to his advantage. But the bond he has seen between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian is more like the bond he had tried to have with Lan Xichen. Selfless. Good.]
If I could give all of it back, I would. Wei Wuxian has been fair to me and if the opportunity arises to help him, I will take it. However I did not trick either Lady Miu or Jin Ling.
[ Xichen. Literally has to get up, leaving the device behind, and walk away for a long moment. Once upon a time, to speak of these things would have been natural and right. When this man was Xichen's one confidant, his one support.
But... it was fake. It was a lie, a means for Jin Guangyao to make sure when he wanted Xichen to do something, Xichen would. And he had. He had, and now he is talking about Wangji, and Xichen can't...
Young master Wei treated Meng Yao, and then Jin Guangyao, fairly, and what did he get in return? What good is telling him that he's aware, when it mattered not at all?
It takes him a while to calm down about it. ]
Sometimes, life is not so simple as to allow loving someone to be enough. And it's never so simple as to allow us to take back what we have done.
I believe that you tricked neither of them.
Just... try to treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. That... shouldn't be too difficult, should it? Not as you think they deserve, not as you think anyone else would want you to. Only as you would wish to be treated yourself.
[Xichen sounds so done with him. It frightens him that, one day, he might push this gentle, beautiful man out of his life entirely. So Meng Yao takes the pause to think. He needs to show his love - show himself changing - or Xichen will rightly think he is doing more of the same.]
I've never thought much about that.
But I will.
[How many times has he been knocked down, stabbed and suffered broken bones? Without Xichen, he wouldn't have lived as long as he did.
He owes him his life.]
I'm taking culinary classes. I want to cook for you when you are comfortable enough to receive it.
I am also considering an occupation in an art gallery. It wouldn't take me long to memorize the different art periods and artists.
[ Xichen isn't done with him. He is... hurt, on behalf of his brother, and his brother's chosen person, whom he failed to protect before. It would be even worse if Meng Yao tried to talk about Nie Mingjue.
But he can contain his anger. He can try to be there for Meng Yao in ways that he wasn't before, while trying to not reward things that Xichen believes Meng Yao shouldn't do. ]
It is not easy to learn how to treat people when you're not meant to control them, I think. I will remind you until you get used to it. You are no longer chief cultivator, merely an ordinary... ImPort, I suppose. An ordinary cultivator. Let go of trying to steer things into certain ways. Focus on healing.
These things are good, and... I think the lessons won't be in vain. But do try to enjoy them just for themselves, not only for me, and also with the occupation you choose. Do you think that possible?
[Oh what he would do to be tucked close to Xichen until the awful memories fade. He loves him more than ever and the intensity of the feelings makes him dizzy. Yet it is amazing that Xichen is speaking to him at all - and so kindly too. Meng Yao suppresses a sigh and smiles softly.]
I am only a man, Zewu-Jun. My name is Meng Yao - not Jin Guangyao. He perished in Guanyin Temple at the hands of Nie Mingjue.
I want to cook for myself too. A good diet will make all the difference in helping my body adjust to all of the changes.
I am an Import - if I exceed their expectations for the position, they will be tempted to hire me with or without this world's qualifications.
[ Tea. Yes. Wuxian steps in with a small little bow, and will at least try to sit calmly. But his fingers will tap on a bent knee and he'll chew on his bottom lip.
The question has him smile with an absent little shake of his head. ]
I'm fine, Zewu-Jun. It's just...
I saw the whip scars on Lan Zhan's back. And the brand on his chest. He won't talk about them...What happened?
[ Xichen blinks. Oh. They have had this conversation before. His hand strays until it's wrapped around Liebing.
Better than asking to take young master Wei's pulse. Probably. ]
Ah.
He ... would not tell you, no. They were a consequence of Nevernight, one that he submitted to when Uncle assigned it, and one that he inflicted on himself.
Are you certain you wish to know the details beyond that? He would rather protect you at least until you are better healed, and I do not disagree, but your choices also matter.
Wuxian frowns at the information, gaze flicking around without really seeing as he thinks over what it means. Then huffs out a quiet breath, returning his attention to Xichen as he manages a small smile. ]
Thank you for your concern, but...I think I need to know.
[ And there's the doubt in the back of his mind on if he even can heal more. He keeps breaking. How many more times can he survive before he just...stops? Before he shatters completely? ]
He can well understand the doubt about healing. But for both of them, the harm has been very recent, and they have not had time to rest and try to heal.
Xichen would soothe the worry, at least, or try to. ]
Please keep in mind that he never, ever would wish you to be hurt by any of this. It was his own ... his own life, when he did not suspect you would ever be back in it.
[ His words are calm, softer than the first time he said this, outlining Uncle's punishment for Wangji, the required time of healing. And then... ]
Even so, he went out of the assigned seclusion to go to Caiyi town and buy some Emperor's smile. He...
As far as I know, he was looking for a dizi. I guess he went to look for one in the rare items storage, where we often keep various instruments that nobody uses at the time. Unfortunately, a brand that was... removed from Nevernight after the fall of Wen Ruohan was also kept there. I found him passed out, with it on his chest.
[ Wuxian gives Xichen his full attention, head a little lowered but gaze fixed on him. He trusts this man to tell him the truth, almost as much as he trusts Wangji. He knows he'll actually get more of an answer from Xichen, at least.
He listens...even when it's difficult. Doesn't interrupt. Hardly even breathes, let alone make a sound. He could chuckle, hearing Lan Wangji had gone out and bought liquor. But he doesn't. Because what happened after...hurts.
His gaze lowers when Xichen seems to be done- and what more can be said? His fingers dig into the cloth at his knees, deeper. Facts seem to click into place.
Not just accusations. Not just fancy. But facts.
Wuxian holds his silence for another few minutes, poking at the thought for real. Then nods, short and sharp and returns a steady gaze to Xichen. ]
One more question, Zewu-Jun. Because I know you know his heart.
Young master Wei, I think you would have known a long time ago if Wangji did not love you.
As to what kind of love, that may be for Wangji himself to answer, but...
In... my past, and the future you will probably return to, when you asked about the scars on his back, I also told you... something else, which is about Wangji, and about what I think you are asking, too. Would you like to hear it?
[ Or are you too tired now, which is something Xichen can well believe. It has not been an easy time for any of them. ]
[ Xichen nods, slowly, then takes a deep breath to. Calm himself down a little. It is not easier to put in words any of it, not even for the second time. ]
A long time ago, my father met my mother and fell in love with her at first sight. However, she did not love him as much. At one time, she killed one of the elders of the Clan, one of his teachers. She... would have been punished by death. But my father instead took her to the Cloud Recesses, married her, and told the elders, told the world, that she is his fated one, his wedded wife, and he would take no other.
But because of the crime she had committed, he found a house, and locked her into it.
And he found another house, and locked himself into it.
She... Wangji and I were only allowed to visit her once a month. She always met us with a smile, and never complained about being... imprisoned. She would tease Wangji, and you know how he is when teased, but I knew that he looked forward to it, every month.
Then one month, they told us she was gone. And he kept...
Month after month, he kept going there every month. Waiting for her to open the door. Even when he knew what it meant, he kept going, and waiting. [ He draws the xiao to him, but he doesn't play it, not right now. This time, young master Wei is asking different questions. ]
Once... when the Yiling Patriarch was at the height of his power, he asked me for permission to bring somebody to the Cloud Recesses. To protect.
[ He realizes a bit late that this might not be an easy tale for Lan Xichen to tell. But the story still comes out, leaves him motionless, staring with eyes growing wider as each point and parallel is set before him.
Finally Wuxian can't stay sitting still, pushes himself to his feet to start pacing. But doesn't interrupt.
And when Xichen tells him that last little bombshell, he almost stumbles. ]
... not unless you choose him, in turn. He would not repeat our father's mistakes.
[ This much, Xichen knows. There is not nor will there ever be anyone else for Wangji. But he will never put his wishes above those of young master Wei. Especially not when he believes it is unrequited.
Just like their father's feelings. ]
He... these years, he has been referring to you as his lifetime confidant. He would share your path with you.
[ It takes Wangji a long time to write this. He writes many versions, first. One of them merely says “He isn’t worth the air you breathe.” But he doesn’t send that one.
[ Xichen rubs his face with both hands before taking a deep breath. ]
I haven't sought him out. I haven't tried to give him much.
I don't know how he can prove he deserves if I don't at least look.
I don't know if he will truly try if I pull entirely away. I don't know
I'm sorry. You are right. But at least maybe he will remember about not trying to run people's lives, at least maybe a little. So something good was done, wasn't it?
[ He's running out of cope, never of will for his brother or his brother's words. Even if he hates, so much, how weak he must look, right now. His brother deserves better. Xichen ties to pull himself together again, at least a little. ]
I will be all right. I am aware that he wants more than he ought to. I am sorry that you had to witness that, but I thought keeping what we talk a secret would be far, far worse.
[ It's not even that the things between himself and Meng Yao are the way things are between Wangji and young master Wei. He does love the man, he does, he's tried not to and that hasn't worked, but it's not...
It's not the same.
And yet on the other hand, it is. Both at the same time. ]
I am only human.
But no, that is not something I'm thinking of. Or waiting for him to become better for, or... anything like that. I merely want him to be someone who is ... at least a little bit the kind gentle person he always pretended to be. Someone who'll deserve respect for his actions, as well as his existence.
Someone who can be happy, even. Not at the expense of others.
Last month was unkind to them both in different ways. Removing themselves from where everything reminds them of it might help. But neither of them would run away.
[ It's not anything that young master Wei chose to do, or be, so Xichen would honestly argue with the assessment of deserving anything but reassurance. ]
[ He does his best. It's easier on some days - and definitely easier with some people. Young master Wei included. ]
As you wish.
You possibly have a better idea about which appliances of this world Wangji has been ... avoiding. Perhaps you can figure out how those ones work, so that later you can walk him through it?
[ Because investigation, figuring how things work, those things seem like what young master Wei might enjoy, without complications. Other than maybe something blowing up, but Xichen will take responsibility for that. ]
[He spent all day and all night, searching the cities looking for Jin Ling and Fairy. It's all in vain. There is no answer or response on the communicator when attempting to reach him.
He looked and looked through every street and block, every nook and cranny of alleyways, in shops and in parks. He whistles to evoke that bark until his throat is dry. Eventually he becomes tired and he has but no choice to give up the search and go home to rest. He didn't want to give up. He can't be gone.
He sent a text to his father, and then his uncle next to see if they know anything and they can help. He should not burden this alone and his emotions become complicated because he's starting to remember his past and he needs to explain that.]
Uncle...I can't find him. And Fairy. I looked all over.
Jin Ling. He's my roommate. He should have come home, but he hasn't for a few days now. I should have been there for him. Over the weekend, I disappeared...it's a port glitch and I returned back home, our home. Then I came back here again and I remember everything about my past.
I think so. But I think we should search for him still.
[Texts him the address and location of where he's living at, along with the number of his apartment unit number. He is all sad and grieving. The two are close and best friends. He just curls up on his bed, he didn't bother eating anything, just a cup of tea, and hoping his uncle will come. :(]
[Sizhui has learned to live on his own for the most part, learning the adventure of adulthood gently to manage on his own and care for his roommate for the past months. Jin Ling's departure is just too sudden for him. He was used to seeing him and the dog. But if one must return home...
Company, he needs it now. He has cried hours before. Already missing his best friend, whom he holds dear. By the time his dear uncle arrives at the door, Sizhui opens it, he has calm down, but slightly unsettled. Trying to be strong to cover his emotional fragility that he hides beneath his Lan practiced calm.
Opening the door, he welcomes him in. The apartment is clean, well-kept, and tidy. But now quiet.]
Come on in.
[Seeing the ice cream, hopefully not melted yet. He brightens just a little.]
[ Xichen's face is calm - not smiling, and the traces of exhaustion have not left (and now Sizhui might know why, those traces) - but in this situation, his kin needs the stability of his sect leader. And Xichen can give that. ]
It seems a good kind of thing to remind your body and mind to think in ways that are different from the usual.
[ aka, comfort food. ]
Unless you have forgone food for a while? In which case the ice cream can be dessert.
[Sizhui is not sure how to respond to that. Ice cream and comfort food cannot replaced a friend he holds dear. But return home if he must...
But it would do. He needs time to adjust. So finding whatever inner strength he has, his arms almost trembled, his expression impassive to match that of Wangji's, he raised his arms and gracefully takes it from him.]
I had soups and congee I bought from the store.
[He'll try not to cry again. His uncle is one of the few where Sizhui can be less precautious about his emotional fragilities.]
Thank you. I'll try to...I'll try to eat...this.
[By this. The ice cream. Once he finds his will and strength. He shall be eating quietly on the sofa where his uncle is welcome to sit.]
Yes. We can get rabbits and chickens for the house. We'll think
about a cow. Definitely a cute black rabbit with a red ribbon. Are you in
my city, didi?
... while new rules might be... necessary, I will think of what they may
be. [ Lans do need rules, after all. But Xichen also reaches to hold
his brother's hand and take his pulse gently, just in case. ] What
did you do to overstep, didi?
[ This, certainly, a confession he would never make sober - just how much he has let Wei Wuxian touch him, how close he's allowed him.
Lately, no. Lately, he sets careful barriers between them, when he can manage it. Distance or time or sound. But that is for Wei Ying's benefit, not his own.
He looks like he might say something more, but he has gone one confession too far, and his lips thin instead.
If anyone allowed me all the things that make me feel nice now, Wangji. I might also run away. Not because I don't want them, but because I don't think I deserve them.
[ Xichen's words come far too fast, before he can stop them. He understands, oh, he understands his brother. But he understands young master Wei, too.
He swallows the rest, though, and shakes his head. Wangji won't even remember this in the morning, but...
He couldn't not say them. ]
Let us go find something that is still open, then. Sweet, or savory?
[ Xichen's arm around his shoulders tightens just a fraction. ]
You are a good man, Wangji. Young master Wei wants to recover enough so he can deserve you, that is all. Because he cares, and wants not only your touch, but your happiness. Just like you do for him.
We will go find chicken. I think one of the shawarma places nearby works through the night and they make grilled chicken.
[ ... don't ask him how he knows what shawarma is. The story is kind of boring. ]
[ unfortunately for xichen, wangji’s drunk brain has just had a Thought and he stops, completely immovable, while he thinks it. Then he abruptly turns in his brother’s grasp and pulls him in the direction of his house, instead.
[A half a day or so after this debacle, once Jingyi figures out how to read other people's conversations, he heads out from home and makes his way to Xichen's front door. It's either evening or the next morning after lessons, and he comes bearing a carton of ice cream and a paper-wrapped gift(?) roughly the size of of a box of poptarts. He's forgone robes this time, and in jeans and a T-shirt, he knocks very politely and proceeds to fidget as the ice cream continues to sweat and melt in the crook of his arm.]
[ Xichen doesn't let him wait long, face lightening up when he sees him, and he can appreciate that this world's clothes do work well for him. #lanaesthetic He's still. Not doing his best, not even his best since arriving here, but not the worst, either? He can't break down on his brother after these last two months.
On his son either. ]
Jingyi. [ soft. ] Please, come in. Let me get bowls for the ice cream, you sit down.
[ The young one doing the work vs. the host doing it... Xichen knows where things are. So he's getting them. ]
[Jingyi follows Xichen in, still a little dazed but the surreality that he has been adopted and seems to have the leeway now to...he does not actually know how much leeway he has for anything. That is part of this visit, a little. Testing boundaries.]
This is supposed to be very good, Zewu-jun, according to the people at the store I talked to.
[He finds himself a seat and plops himself down, setting the box on the surface in front of him. After a moment's thought, he makes a little 'aha' noise and pulls out a Lan-blue bow from his back pocket to stick it on top of the box. There. Much better.
After that, though, he not-very-surreptitiously-at-all studies Xichen. The two of them are a couple of generations removed in relation, and while Jingyi is definitely closer with him here than they were at home--having only a handful of familiar faces plus daily lessons makes a large difference--he is still ravenously curious about all thing related to his new dad.]
After you get bowls, are you not supposed to give me a big hug? Ask me how work is? Tell me I need to eat more? This world has added a whole list of father-and-son things that we are missing out on.
[Well. At least he had warned him ahead of time about the hugs?]
[Jingyi watches Xichen process through his words, answering only:]
Well, maybe? Probably not. Maybe that one is not as relevant.
[Honestly, Jingyi is making things up as he goes along. He only had half an idea in showing up today, but that's a half more than no idea, so he figures he is already ahead of things.
The hug, though. As soon as Xichen sits down and assumes the hugging position, Jingyi is already halfway to giving him a nice, solid rib-cracker, though he only has the puppy version of Lan strength. He is enthusiastic and almost knocks over both of their respective ice creams.]
[ Xichen lets out a soft huff that is closer to a laugh than he has been in months, at the enthusiasm. And his embrace is not that much less rib-crushing, though it gentles after a moment and he pets the back of Jingyi's head gently. ]
Perhaps not the most relevant. But we can find others that are.
Thank you for coming to see me, Jingyi. And for bringing presents. I am glad that you are here.
[ There is no tease at all about this. Xichen means it. ]
[Oh. So. Jingyi did not think about how he would react to the hug. He continues to cling after Xichen eases up and tries not to think about how he is used to so many more disciples around him full of friendly touch. He can perhaps be forgiven for squeezing a little tighter for a moment before he pulls away?]
I am glad that I am here, too.
[And not just because he gets hugs. He gives Xichen a bright grin and slides back into his chair to pick up his spoon and use it to gesture with. With his other hand, he presses down on the gift he has brought and tries to explain first.]
Now I have been thinking very seriously about this, and I agree. I am certain that we can find a great many relevant traditions. I have been living with the other disciples for so long, so it is time to take advantage of having a father so close. And of you having a son so close. I plan to move sometime next week, and then I will be around all the time. So we have to plan.
[He points his spoon down at his ice cream.]
The first part of the plan is that you look like you need ice cream. You need to tell me if it is good, because we have to eat the whole carton tonight and I do not think I will fit the whole thing.
[Jingyi does seriously consider this for all of the time it takes to pull in breath to speak.]
It is the tradition. [He is very earnest.] I was reading what you and everyone else got so upset about on the network, and so I looked up what traditions are good for feeling better and one of them was to eat an entire carton of ice cream. So I have brought [he flourishes his spoon] an entire carton of ice cream.
[ Xichen can't quite help the way the corners of his mouth twitch up, even though his eyes turn sadder at the reminder. He ducks his head slightly. ]
I apologize everyone had to witness that, but... a lot of harm happened because he was able to hide what was happening from the cultivation world. And ... was too mellow and closed my eyes to too much. So now, I wish to make sure that if I am making the same mistake, there will be people who can see and correct me.
[ Beat. ]
... an entire carton. Well. Let us try that, then.
[ He reaches for one spoon of it, gracefully placing it in his mouth and closing his eyes, savoring the flavor. ]
[Shoving a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, Jingyi has to take a second before he can comment on Xichen's apology. Once his mouth is free, though, he has zero compunctions in pointing out:]
Everything I have heard—[Gossip may be forbidden, but this had technically been news.]—says that he is very good at hiding things. If he was specifically hiding things from you, I do not think you should feel that bad. You are very smart. Hiding things probably took a lot of effort.
[There! Reassurance! Jingyi makes his way through another couple of spoonfuls and agrees that he did, indeed, make an excellent choice of ice cream, and then he shoves the gift box that he brought toward his new adoptive father. The topic clearly makes Xichen sad and he does not want to do more than acknowledge it and let the ice cream do its work.]
Here! Open this! This is the second tradition that I discovered. I think it is supposed to be attached to a day, but I did not want to wait for the proper day.
[ Xichen sighs softly, but Jingyi has managed to ease the sting of earlier a great deal. He ducks his head, just a little. ]
I could have seen it, I think, if I had not chosen to trust him over those who warned me against him. And now... now is the harder choice. Is he trying to fool me again, or is he truly trying to be different. If I choose wrong...
[ Xichen shakes his head, then turns to pay attention to the gift.
Blinks. ]
... they put ... words... on cups?
[ Let's start there.
And yes, he is flustered. Listen, Wangji's signs of affection have always been Different, so this means a lot to him. ]
[And he is very proud of this. The store over the internet had been most accommodating.]
And I drew our symbol myself, so the people could put it on the side.
[He does not answer the his new father's confession, though, as that is something that sounds...like he should think about before he speaks. Sometimes he can do that, and this seems like one of those times he should.
Instead, he leans over to point to the wording.]
See? 'World's Greatest Dad.' I thought it was funny, because we are in a new world.
Zewu-Jun, Master Shen Qingqiu could use your aid. He has an affliction that requires the help of someone strong enough to restart his qi. I could think of no one better than yourself and your brother for the task.
I will do my best. If he should let you know in the future it is happening again, without seeking me out, please let me know. It seems it is something he will not bring up unless he has no choice.
I have written out what happened for Wangji, who has yet to live for it, and for young master Wei. If you should wish to know, or at least know the key parts of the situation, I will answer. I think... at least some of the things about it became painfully clear in that conversation.
I
It
He never planned to harm me. I think that may be the most frightening of all, to be considered so far above anyone else to be safe.
The matter is clearly painful to you, Zewu-jun. I would not dare repay your kindness to me by asking you to relieve those memories. If you wish to talk I will listen but even not knowing the whole truth makes little difference to me. I know the type of person you are, that is enough.
I will not understand holding one life higher than another's. [ it goes against his principles and is...probably part of why he dislikes the big sects and the whole bloodline thing. ]
I... may not be that innocent as that, Daozhang. It may have been my lack of understanding [ because he cannot say 'blindness' to Xiao Xingchen ] rather than willingness to do ill, but ill was done...
Then, I am sorry for whatever happened. May you find peace here. As long as one tries to do better today than yesterday, is that not something to appreciate?
[ Xichen closes his eyes on his end. His voice is very, very soft, though not too quiet. ]
Thank you, Daozhang. It might ... take a while before I can decide if I should, or I could, forgive myself. But that will not stop me from trying to do right.
It seems trusting too much is not wise, in the end. It allows one to be used, when placed in the wrong hands. But the choice to trust was... still mine.
Peace is hard won. [ he is silent, taking in the confession of the other. ] Not trusting seems wiser but lonely, I would rather believe in a world that is good.
If someone misused your trust then the blame should be placed on that person, and trust revoked.
In a sense you cannot, but that is not your fault. Trust is hard won and easily lost, you will find peace again. Eventually. But it may take some time.
Little by little you will see that your judgement is sound and your trust will return.
Both Xiao Xingchen Daozhang and Song Zichen Daozhang are here, although Song Zichen Daozhang seems from a world similar yet not the same as ours.
I'm more concerned for the living.
The creation of a fierce corpse requires resentful energy in the corpse first. Most here choose to move on. And with the nanites, if Xue Chengmei commits crimes, he will be punished by the local authorities accordingly.
You would? Please, be kind to him. In the end, much suffering was inflicted to him that he did nothing to deserve. A quest for knowledge can cause pain, too.
And I thank you. I hope...
I hope, in this place he will find a path that will not destroy the few things he did care about .
[ And that is the last message before he shows up, with a set of clothes that are not robes per se, but a dress that is close enough.
And a box of chocolates, because chocolate, he has discovered, help a little in times of stress, and they can have ice cream when they return to the house. ]
Maiden Jiang. May I take your pulse while you see if these are to your taste, and before I let you change?
[ Taking pulse, passing spiritual energy... this world's medicine can regrow an arm, but... still. ]
[She's sitting patiently in the bed when he arrives and she lifts her head to smile when he gets there.]
Of course. And thank you. I was worried my brothers might cause some trouble if I contacted them for help.
[Her back aches but they gave her something, she hadn't paid attention to what, that helped. So she shifted enough to sit on the edge of the bed for him.]
[ Xichen's fingers are gentle and cool as he touches them against her wrist. Without taking them away, the gentle flow of spiritual energy between them, he raises his eyes. ]
I am sure you can understand now how your absence, though it has not been long, has worried them. I have made them aware that you are returned, so they do not suffer needlessly. But not where.
We will... return to the house? Either destination, I will help you to make sure you reach it safely.
I didn't mean to worry them. I'll be sure to apologize when I see them.
[She doesn't regret her choice though. Knowing them, she's almost certain that they'd charge in and one would threaten the employees in his rush to know where she was and the other would probably holler her name until she answered, someone else did, or Cheng dragged him off by the collar.]
I can't think of anywhere else I'd want to go. [And she's ready to leave the hospital far behind her.]
We will get you home safe and sound. I believe that will go a long way to easing any offense.
[ No, while Xichen used Maiden--
Madam Jiang's choice as an excuse, he had his reasons not to cave in on Jiang Wanyin's insistence. He will be, Xichen suspects, mollified by her presence. ]
[In a way, Sizhui is calm now, after crying and shedding tears. He's not a child anymore. He was sad, and there's sorrow and pain, but now he's pretty sure his people will return home eventually. He has a promise to his father to protect his uncle and whoever remains. It's in the paper that he is legally the heir, so assuming responsibility of what is left of behind.]
Uncle, I'm going to need your help with the rabbits. I suggest we must rehome them.
[He had thought about this. It wouldn't be fair to the aanimals. It's the only way to save them.]
[He sends text to Jingyi and Miu to informed them of this loss. They have to unite and figure out what to do next.
He is tired for his age. He opens the door, and without saying a word, rushes into his uncle arms and hold him tightly and a river of tears flowing. The tears kept following, and he can't stop on it's own.
[ Xichen does not hesitate to wrap his arms around the boy, carding his fingers through his hair soothingly. ]
They did. They will find each other again. And they will find you again.
[ It doesn't take away the pain of missing them here and now, of the gaping hole of their absence. Xichen knows that, hard as it may be for him, Sizhui is the one who feels it most keenly. One or the other of those two men have been part of his life, sheltering and protecting him, throughout his memory. With both of them absent, and as sweet as Sizhui is... ]
It will be all right, A-Yuan. And it's all right to cry.
[From Sizhui's point of view, they're going on another journey that is meant for them. Still in tears, he collects himself, trying to be calm and composed. With this knowledge, he knows they returned home where they are meant to be.]
I'm glad they went home. I am very happy for them. Hanguang-Jun...Senior Wei...
[Sizhui already knew that they found each other. In a way, he knew they are fated for each other. Loosen himself from the hug]
Still the rabbits. In the hutch in the backyard. We have to do something about them. If one of us leaves and return home too, they need someone to care for them. So they be needing new homes, just in case.
And it is also all right to both be glad and grieve, A-Yuan. You need not prove your strength to me. I know it.
[ He doesn't let go of Sizhui just yet, nor does he stop the soothing. ]
And I am thinking... we do not yet need to let them go. I can make arrangements for someone to take them home should they be left all alone, but while at least some of us are here...
[He grieves too easily, just as easily as Wangji. It doesn't hurt as much as the first time. Because he knew everyone will go home eventually. While he figured some of his friends came from different times, they will eventually all meet at the same destination. As he has seen the future. He has lived it, seen it, witness it.
So, while it's difficult, it's not hard to find calm.
With a sense of relief, he is relieved to hear his Uncle's wisdom and he is glad to contact him on the matter. Sizhui has always loved the rabbits and dearly loved them, caring for them as his own back home in Cloud Recesses.]
That's a relief. I would hate to think they're in their cages or they roam free in the backyard by the summer heat. Rabbits need someone to care for them.
[Though he did wonder if he can sneak some of them back home, as he can't carry them all and transport through the portal can be risky.]
[ Oh, Sizhui, are you planning to carry rabbits with you every time that you Port, now? That may get... complicated, after all.
But Xichen is certain in the junior's strength. He has seen it, over the years, growing around Wangji's silences, around the rules of the Lan sect and his own discovery of the world.
Still... at this time, he is more than willing to lend what strength he has to Sizhui instead. ]
They do. I ... am not yet willing to part with them, as they were loved so by... Wangji and young master Wei. So it seemed right to find a different way.
[It's a rough week, but Sizhui gathered the courage to talk to the remaining juniors. There are many thoughts in his mind. By default, Lan Xichen is still the sect leader and is head of the family, so all the decision is up to him.
So when they have time, he approaches his uncle to talk and discuss an important matter]
Uncle, I have spoken to Jingyi and Miu. It's hard on everyone. [Miu cried...cried a lot.] Remember the classes? Father usually teaches. [But he returns home, so the classes and schedule ended abruptly.]
Do we continue classes or suspend? I think it would be kind to suspend classes for a short period, at least for now. The juniors need more time...to rest and have fun.
[ Xichen considers the question, but before answering, questions back, first. ]
Sizhui, I understand that you wish for freedom, but before I grant this, I wish you to consider the following, too.
The classes are but in the morning, and you have the entirety of the rest of your free time to rest, and seek out fun, as you say. Is it such a drain on your time, to spend this time together, focused on improving yourselves?
Second. Do you know what stalling in your development now, by missing those teachings, would do to you? To Jingyi? To Miu? Are you clear on the stages of cultivation for each of you, and that interrupting would be safe?
Third.
What do you think Wangji's answer to this request would be, if you are thinking of more than two or three days?
[ Yes, he remembers the classes. He has been teaching them next to Wangji since the first day, after all, difficult as facing the day has been, most of this time. And no, he is aware there are times to be lax and gentle.
But there are times when structure and a reason to keep going is needed more. ]
[Sizhui considers his answer. Each question carefully chosen to evaluate his progress on his cultivation. Searching for the right words. He doesn't mean to offend, but rather to ask and search for the answers.]
[Stating simply.] Jin Ling returns home and Father as well. [Even though he's tend to be a silent teacher who speaks only in few words, but they're profound.] Senior Wei also. I feel like lessons is missing their warmth. So, my own darkness drains me. I know it's absurd to grieve for their absence, but I am grieving. That's what holding me back in my training.
[He realized the lessons are not fun at times. The lessons are meant to perfect one's cultivation, to overcome difficulties, to train's one spirit to overcome emotions and mind over matter, both mentally and physically.] Last I asked of Father, he has given three days, which is generous, and then I was able to continue the lessons because of his encouragement and with diligence and vigor. I don't feel like my cultivation levels has gone lower or lesser, and I resume where I left off.
[Searching his thoughts to articulate his thoughts. Of course, there's a reason why they have to keep going with the lessons. It's the only time the family spend time together.] Jingyi and I probably have no problem picking up where we left off since we were taught since we're able to walk, talk, and write. But I think it would be much harder on Miu because she just started a few months ago, and she misses Father terribly.
If Jingyi and I return home [as returning back to this one maybe slim, but Sizhui is a case where he does return and remembers], we will meet again, back to our village. But should Miu will return back to hers, not remembering any of this. Though I'm sure in her heart and soul, she'll remember us for all time no matter what worlds we're in.
[So Sizhui rethinks his request and puts up three fingers] Three [personal] days of grievance for us. That's my request.
[ Xichen's face eases, because yes, Sizhui understands, and he nods. ]
That is reasonable, and granted. I will attempt to draw in another teacher to supplement what I can offer, if he is willing, by the time we resume.
[ He reaches to squeeze Sizhui's shoulder. ]
Remember that the classes are not to make the darkness stronger, but to give you the protection of progress, of companionship, and of the support of teachers against it, instead. Coming together makes the dispelling of darkness, within and without, easier than going alone.
Miu's grief is deeper than that for the rest of us - I will speak to her, as well.
But you should remember this as well. Even if the separation now, the absence of both men who raised you, puts pain in your heart, do not let it forget that Wangji and young master Wei are there, as well. Always with you, as you are always with them.
With three rooms staying empty, you think so? While I do believe that Jiang Wanyin's and Sizhui's rooms should stay as they are, I do not know if Miu might return with memory of her time here yet. Her room can be repurposed.
Young master Wei stayed in your room before.
[ It's a huge house, Wangji. It will be a while before they run out of room. Young Jin Ling has is room, Xichen doubts that Jin Zixuan, once he comes in, would like a room separate from lady Jiang's... and so on. ]
[Well, inwardly he felt bad that he does not remember Miu. That wouldn't be fair if Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan become married and they both wanted to move in. And those two rooms are saved for the disciples. And Jing Yi needs a room of his own, as he's growing big. Jin Ling needs room of his own because of dog.]
I showed him his room. Wei Ying doesn't feel like it's his own room. He just steps in for five minutes and he rather sleeps on the couch or on a rock or on the floor.
He wouldn't stay in mine. So I propose expanding the house. At least, turn the attic or basement whichever comes first. It can be done. If one of ours from our world show up, at least we have a room ready for them.
[He has all the time and energy to make the house bigger to prepare for a growing family. Because all of this just to make Wei Ying stay and don't go sleep on strange surfaces that isn't a bed.]
[For the occasion, there is cake to eat and bubble milk teas to drink. When it comes to gifts, Lan Wangji always goes out of his way to pick special gifts.
For his honored brother, there's a wrapped gift of a brand new calligraphy set with bottled inks, but also a set of cute painted ceramic rabbit figurines. It's something to decorate the desk or put on the shelf.]
[ Xichen is definitely not used to this kind of sweetness, especially not to celebrate the day of birth, but it is what his precious little brother has brought him, so of course he will partake - and share the rest.
The gifts bring a small hint of an almost smile, and, holding one of the ceramic figures in long fingers, he cups his hands and salutes his brother. ]
[Thankfully, it was one cake and there's enough for all. Jingyi can be so thoughtful to buy so many cakes for his own birthday. Lan Wangji smiles back, a rare occurrence. He is happy when his brother is happy. For once, they can enjoy the peace without a single incident.
With a hum of approval.]
Mn. I thought you might like them. You're welcome.
[ Jingyi is still at an age where new things are easily adopted and sugar highs are welcome... but that's all right. Xichen is almost more indulgent with his adoptive son than with his brother.
Almost.
He tilts his head slightly. ]
Have you... calmed down yet, after what transpired over the last weeks?
[Considering what happened with Wei Ying is gone in that world and everybody came back? That's like experiencing 16 years, but condensed. Well, not everyone. Shijie is gone while they're away. At least, with cake and Wei Ying returned, some sweetness in their life has returned. Slowly, but surely.]
Mn? It was tiring. I remembered everything. Wei Ying did not. It's for the best not to mention anything.
But Wei Ying is aware his shijie is gone and he wants to be alone for the most part.
[ Xichen almost opens his mouth to point out that, regardless of words, unlike Wangji, young master Wei is likely to be more hurt than aided by solitude...
Then he remembers, between the two of them, who has the better judgment about people. He lowers his eyes. ]
You are most likely to know best what he need. Only... if it becomes too difficult for him, try to remind him that she may yet return again. The way you did, and he did, and young sect leader Jin. In this place, little seems impossible.
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ze_uwu_jun) wrote2033-01-09 09:40 pm
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maskormenace
[Gift]
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[Jin Ling comes into view in the center of the frame, angling the camera so that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian can be seen in the background.]
Zewu-Jun. [He makes a cursory little bow, the best he can do while he's still holding the communicator steady.]
I asked Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei to meet with me to discuss what to do about LianFang-Zun. I fear that ostracizing my uncle will only worsen him. I remember how he spoke about having no choice, and how he was driven to his crimes because he felt trapped and isolated by his situation. I want to provide him a path to rehabilitation by making clear to him that he is not trapped and isolated. We will help him, but he has to learn to trust us to help him at times when he feels that there is no choice. He will have to work hard to earn back our trust, but I believe that helping him find the right way to do so is the best course of action.
Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei agree that we should not meet with him alone. I would like to speak with you, so that we can discuss how best to proceed before we contact him.
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Sect Leader Jin.
I have told ... Meng Yao that I will not seek him out, but neither will I avoid him. Because I agree that isolating him and making him feel trapped will only make things worse. There is much trust that needs to be earned, on both sides.
Thank you for including me in this. I think... no. I know that he has not yet figured out what he wants to do, and what he doesn't. It may take a little while. [ Remember when they last talked, Jin Ling, and Xichen pointed out that living when you're supposed to be dead isn't easy? ] Not trying to set his path will be better, just now, but keeping alert that he might not fall back into old habits of misleading... that is also important.
Other than that... I could come where you are. Or Wangji knows where to find me, if you are with him, whether you come alone or all together.
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I'm living with Sizhui at the moment. I'd rather not get him involved, but our apartment here is quiet. We have no other roommates, so at least there would be no strangers around, and I will ask him to stay away while we meet with my uncle.
We're in De Chima. I will send the address, and once you arrive I will ask him to join us. Then the three of us can talk.
Action
Texting Sizhui to stay away from the apartment for a few hours, he then records his invitation to his uncle and sends it. Leaving the door unlocked, he fills the kettle but waits to heat it.
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Upon reaching the right address, he knocks - only to find the door unlocked. This could be a trap. He makes himself breathe again, his hand shaking as he turns the doorknob anyway.
Nothing happens. But he is far from relieved.
"Jin Ling?"
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"Come in, he is inside. There is tea."
He closes the door and leads the way, calm and steady. He can look his fill later.
"We are both here now." He announces to Jin Ling. And goes to pour tea. Never mind that he is not the host and that he is oldest.
He...
Well. He is nervous.
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He performs a little bow, only a tiny bit shaky. He hasn't seen his uncle in person since... since everything.
They're the only ones here. No traps, no defenses. Zewu-Jun is a powerful cultivator, but it's also dangerous for them to be here, offering LianFang-Zun their trust.
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As much as he wants to show both of them affection, he knows it isn't welcome. Not here, not now.
He kneels at the table across from Jin Ling, expression pained.
"You both look well." and that does set some of his concerns at ease.
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"Thank you." He doesn't look his best, but neither is he unsightly. Not as bad as when Wangji first found him in the streets, on his first job. "You are... afraid. I don't believe you need to be. I just... do not think it is right for others, even one of us, to try to set your course. The three of us are those who remember... all. It would probably be right to see what our expectations are. And if there are limitations that make sense. In any direction."
Because at this point they all know that there is plenty of danger, from many sides. But living in fear will not do any good.
And if Xichen is clutching the insides of his sleeves, uncertain if he makes sense at all, well. He is pretty sure neither of them will really notice.
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"I want..." His tidy little speeches from earlier in the day slip away from his lips as his shaking worsens. Seeing his uncle in person, he can't help but think of the bite of wire against his throat, of the look on his uncle's face when he spoke of killing Jin Ling's father. "I want to be able to trust you. And I think it's important that you be able to trust us."
This was all much more graceful in Jin Ling's head, but he pushes forward, determined to communicate what he wants to say even if it's clumsy. "I remember you saying how you had no choice. How you spoke of being isolated."
He's so badly choked up now that he's stuttering, hugging himself tightly, but he draws on all of his determination and plows forward. "We will not leave you alone. You will no longer make your choices alone."
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Growing up. His heart does a funny lurch as he listens to them. They don't want him to be isolated? They want to know what they can do to help - to prevent what happened before?
No one has ever given him that much thought or care. Meng Yao wonders, if he had been given this option, by Jin Guangshan or...anyone really...before this moment, would that have made a difference?
Surely it would have.
"Jin Ling..." he pitches his voice to be soothing, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I can say I wouldn't have killed you, but what difference does that make? I still held a wire to your throat and I destroyed your perception of my love for you."
He is far too good at that.
"I did something similar to you, Zewu-Jun. I took what you had given me and I threw it in your face as if it meant nothing to me." he closes his eyes, pained, "Without realizing it, I acted in the same way my father had treated me."
And as he watches these two trying to reach him, trying to reason with him, he sees the treasure he ruined.
"If you wish for me to stay in open communication with you, I consider that a gift."
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For his part of the words... he wilts very slightly. But his response is also very certain. "You are not your father. I know that." He breathes out carefully.
"A gift may be cherished, but still not what is needed. It... I think it would be good if, when you know what you need, and what you want, you try to talk with us about it. I don't mean beg." The clarification is immediate, and firm. "I don't mean humiliate yourself. I mean... try to work out a way to get it which will not end up hurting others. Or yourself."
He swallows, then his eyes move between the uncle and nephew and back, again.
"We cannot change the past. Nor can we stay in the past. All we have is the present, and a chance to shape the future. We don't want ... any of us to fall in the traps that we were in before. Because we can all do better, if we find the right path."
Together, he doesn't add. But as the youngest of them said... They will not leave him alone. And not in the bad way.
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It then occurs to him that he'll have a lot harder time being taken seriously as a part of this conversation if he gives Zewu-Jun reason to put him under a silence spell. Jutting his lower jaw in a furious pout, he lifts his arms in front of him in a gesture of respect and holds them there, keeping himself quiet, while the adults have their turn to speak.
The moment there's enough of a pause for him to speak without being outright rude, he jumps on it, dropping his arms back to his lap.
"It's not a gift. I want you to work for it. Earn it. I don't know if you'll ever be able to earn my trust, but I promise to help you every step of the way. You don't get to bribe me to make me trust you or love you again. But you can ask to speak to me, and you can listen to what I say, and I will listen to what you say, and we can work to have a relationship based on ... mutual understanding. I..."
Breathing heavily, he looks away for a moment, his arms come up across his chest, hugging himself.
"I know that the darkest parts of you are going to be hard to love, and that you will try to hide them from me so that we can both pretend that they're not there. I want instead for you to choose a path where you will trust... us with them, and we will help you find ways to be free of that darkness."
He realizes that there are parts of this that are going to be too much for him, even with the help of Zewu-Jun. He's only a child. He shouldn't be his uncle's counselor. There are so many things that are not appropriate for his uncle to share with him. All he can do is try to find a way to be his uncle's conscience.
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His gaze lowers to the table and he lets the words sink in, forcing his breathing to be steady. If he is gripping his empty sleeve until his knuckles are white, it is of no matter. For all of his wit, he can see no fix for this; no remedy to set things back to how they had been.
With Jin Ling smiling at him and Lan Xichen trusting him.
"I was forced...strongly encouraged..." he can't really be forced to do anything, "to attend counseling. I have been. I don't know if I can tell them everything. But you two deserve the truth. A man like myself isn't born from good circumstances. Others could suffer the same and be...good. Wholly good. I am not that sort of person." he takes a sip of tea to loosen the muscles of his throat, "When you make one bad decision, you must make another to cover up for it. Before you know it, you are willing to do anything - no matter how despicable - because you are desperate."
He is ruthless in his desperation, ready to bite, claw, kill.
"There wasn't any place for morality in the brothel or with Jin Guangshan. I learned how to be useful, I learned how to punish those who harmed me or my mother... I didn't expect to meet a man like you, Lan Xichen, or to love my nephew like a son."
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But he doesn't say it.
He does not want Meng Yao to despair, again.
Instead, he breathes out softly.
"It may take a while for this to be remembered but... a person's worth is not dependent on how useful that person is. And it should not be." Another breath. "And nor is one's redemption. Making good choices because they are good. Not for anyone's good opinion, nor for a goal that justifies what goes towards it."
He wishes he could praise the young Sect Leader Jin. Though it has been brought by pain, he has grown much in the recent weeks. But this is not the time - he will remember, later. But right now, he needs to be... reliable, so that the boy won't be hurt again, more for him being able to see now and not acting on it.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Meng Yao." He keeps his voice steady, though that is not easy at all. His own mistakes are a mountain, though he does know that they are fewer than Meng Yao's. Other than helping to make all of Meng Yao's possible. "Try to avoid them when you can, but when they happen..." His eyes move to the boy, then back to the man. "It may be difficult to own up to them. And it might be difficult for us to hear. But they are not made better if you conceal them. So please. Let somebody know. Let somebody help, rather than trying to bury them."
Beat.
"What... is counseling?"
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The 'like a son' line stings him, too. He never really knew Rusong, being young enough at the time that he'd been disinterested in babies and jealous for how the new infant took attention away from himself, but the revelations about Rusong's death were extremely clear, and Jin Ling's already thrown that back at his uncle more than once. Being like a son to LianFeng-Zun is not a safe thing.
He finally picks up his cup of tea, long since turned cold, and drinks from it.
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The belief that such a child would display the incestuous bond frightened Meng Yao to his core. He would lose...everything...if the world knew. He would lose Qin Su and the life he had worked so hard to acquire. He feared the little boy more than any foe. As he grew, the world would know.
So he had found a way to end his life. Quickly and quietly. He had blamed a political opponent - that was easy - and he had comforted Qin Su. Tragedies are easier to explain.
Meng Yao's gaze lingers on Lan Xichen, his longing hardly disguised. He had loved Qin Su, but that was mostly because she had feelings for him. He is a desperate creature when it comes to affection.
Then he looks back to Jin Ling and memories of holding him as a baby make his chest hurt. He had been so quiet and good when it was just them.
Not once did he feel the same fear with Jin Ling that he had experienced with Jin Rusong.
"Be that as it may, I do want to help." he gives a brief smile, "Counseling is...strange. I see a healer, they ask me questions, they wish to know about my past, how I feel and then they give me suggestions on how I might better myself."
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That gets an actual surprise out of Xichen. "They..."
Let him process.
"They are trying to heal the damage that the past inflicted?"
That is...
"If it is possible, it would be a very good thing."
Quietly, but the past has left scars on all of them.
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Outwardly, to most of the world, he looks no different than normal. His face impassive, his robes immaculate, his sword in one hand and his fist held behind his back.
Inwardly, he feels like a hurricane barely entrapped in glass.
He waits until his brother answers the door and then his eyes lower before he makes his short, customary bow.
He says nothing, not trusting his voice to conceal the weight of emotion currently plaguing him. He knows his brother will see some of it anyway, but he doesn't want to worry him.
He just wants a place of peace. ]
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This way.
[ He leads him directly to the bedroom, motioning Wangji to the bed. Once his brother is horizontal, Wangji turns off the light, and takes out the xiao. Not playing anything specific, only enough for Wangji's thoughts to have an external structure to coalesce against, rather than spinning out of control. Structure, and Xichen's soft, all-encompassing love for Wangji. ]
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He lays where he is bade - after removing his boots - and crosses his hands over his chest, closing his eyes.
He can feel the storm attempting to batter against the soothing calm of his brother's music - attempting to crash and suffocate the calm it offers. But there is a reason he is here, and it is because it works. It doesn't remove his feelings, it doesn't strip them bare, but soon the howling winds diminish to a quieter whisper. Soon his heart rate returns to something more normal.
Eventually, his eyes open again, focusing on the ceiling above him, so foreign despite how familiar his brother's music is. He doesn't say anything, he just waits for its natural close. ]
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Rest. I will watch over you.
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Everyone else is spreading their truth around them like rivers running of their blood, concealing nothing, revealing everything. It was asked of them. He asked it, of his own brother. But the weight of truth is baring heavily and he knows that he is unable to give the same, to any of them.
Even his brother, who of all others alive could write his history out character for character nearly identical to Wangji's heart - there are still things they did not witness together. Things his brother guesses, but does not know. Things he reads but cannot see.
He wishes he could tell his brother everything - wishes for the comfort of it - but does not wish to give the burden. And he knows he can't give it to anyone else.
But there's one truth he is struggling with very deeply. It will have to be addressed. ]
... Lan Sizhui. [ Careful, quiet. ] Unknown, to Wei Ying.
[ He hasn't told him. He's not sure he can. But that concealed truth is proving a great weight on him, even if it would be better for Sizhui not to know. ]
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The room is already darkened, but he shifts until he is sitting next to the bed, but with his back towards Wangji. Close enough to touch, but giving him privacy all the same.
He considers the words. ]
I have spoken - will speak, from when you both are - to young master Wei about things that you could not. [ Would not. ] I can talk to him about that, as it would bring relief without endangering Sizhui.
[ Not in this world.
It is one of the few secrets that he kept from ... Meng Yao, before. He might have guessed, but Xichen doesn't think he cared enough to try. But young master Wei... it is different. Xichen knows that he fell thinking that all those he had loved, with the exception of Wangji, were either gone or had abandoned him. Even one more person not lost to that onslaught... that will be good, no? ]
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The news that Xichen speaks to Wei Ying on his behalf is not surprising. Nor does it particularly worry him. He knows that sometimes he requires translation, and he trusts his brother’s discretion and judgement.
He’s silent for a long long moment, weighing the risks. The costs. He should be the one to tell Wei Ying, but he... can’t. ]
... Do not tell him of my involvement. [ He decides, in a low, quiet tone. ]
The boy was found, kept safe. That is enough.
Owes no debt.
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I will not lie if he asks directly, but I will do my best to not lead him to question it.
[ Xichen knows exactly what Wangji is asking him. And yes, he knows that a lie would make it worse, but omission... that is different. ]
Rest?
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He’s not ashamed of what he did. Far from. But placing any burden of debt on Wei Ying’s shoulders now is something he cannot bear.
The only reason he thinks Wei Ying should be told at all is that it might soothe the smallest shred of his grief. If they were home, he would not - the Wens still far too reviled.
This is as much as he can offer.
He simply nods, almost invisible in the dark, yet certain his brother will know.
There are other torments, of course. Other things he longs to have answered. But Xichen could not answer them. And even if he could, Wangji knows the answers would only bring pain.
He closes his eyes and does as his brother bades him.
A moment later, blissful darkness subsumes his thoughts and he falls into a dreamless sleep. ]
text. sorta.
Well. Four images. The first three are so blurry that barely anything can be made out. The fourth is at least mostly in focus, and it's of a ink painting hanging in Wangji's room. ]
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Thank you.
[ For telling him. For giving him hope. For everything. ]
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Xichen knows his brother's appreciation, but it's not... not often that he gets to say it. ]
Of course, Wangji. Whatever I can do, I want to. And I will.
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But he appreciates it, more than Xichen could know.
He will repay his brother for everything, somehow.
Somehow, he’ll see his brother’s heart healed too. ]
2/14 delivery
Whatever!!]
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[ But if she doesn't, then he'll come down - shortly, but still. ]
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Ink?
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Yes, he's painting. She can look if she wants, though the work is far from finished and probably not yet recognizable. ]
I was fortunate that I could find proper ink and brushes, here.
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Miu makes a small noise of disbelief, resting one hand on her hip and raising an eyebrow at Xichen, her expression and her tone accusing (albeit jokingly so)]
And you paint. Zewu-jun is there anything you can’t do well? How unfair!
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There are... some things. I may not be particularly good at household chores, for example. But I was raised with the expectation of becoming a sect leader, so I could not be worse at much than those I was going to lead - whether it be the Six Arts, or cultivation...
[ Or much at all. ]
Would you like tea?
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Being perfect and polished and poised, because a single crack isn’t acceptable. Something like that? [Her tone is dry, disinterested, but she feels like she knows a little something about that. She clasps her hands behind her back, careful with her gift, and nods.]
Sure, I guess. I don’t plan on staying too long, but... [But tea is nice. She holds her gift out.]
And this is for you.
[Whenever he decides to open it he’ll find a chocolate bunny roughly able to fit in his palm (well in Miu’s palm, so likely it’s a bit smaller than his own). It’s clearly not professionally made and the features crude, but it’s recognizably a rabbit.]
It’s a holiday today. Though I’m pretty sure they didn’t have it in your world. Or time period, at least.
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Mmm... something like that.
[ He blinks for a moment, at the change of direction, then reaches up to take the gift, cupping his hands to bow at her. ]
Thank you. I... forgive my rudeness for lacking a present to return to you. If I had been aware, I would have avoided it.
If I may ask... what is the holiday in celebration of?
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[You know, like diamonds... Or white lingerie, but she won’t tell him that..]
It’s called Valentine’s and it’s supposed to be a holiday celebrating love. Generally it’s a pretty big day for couples and love confessions, engagements and marriages and all. But you can celebrate the love between family and friends too.
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Before his face softens, and he inclines his head. Family. He does know how Wangji feels about her. ]
In a month, something white, then. I will remember. Thank you.
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But now it feels like she can’t just backdown and she can’t think of anything quickly to lie with. She glances at Xichen and then away again, continuing to frown before she sighs and speaks quietly. ]
You...and Hangaung-jun... have been really... [She trails off and wrings her hands together, shrugging like she’s not sure how to say it.] You’ve done a lot for me. More than most people would. You both... You’ve made me feel like I. Actually belong somewhere. I guess.
[Text] Also sent to Wei Wuxian.
I need answers. He says he encountered someone with a heart symbol on his chest and white hair. After that he stopped being able to properly access his golden core. I have checked; it is intact. However he is not himself.
It's like he has stopped feeling?
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His sword? Have you seen it?
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[ There was also something that Wangji fought, but...
If Jin Ling is with Meng Yao, then he should tell Wangji that it wasn't Jin Ling. ]
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[Just a very worried girl for her favorite boy.]
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I don't have answers. I think what Wangji encountered with the sword was akin to what was described in the 'majority report' information? This might be connected, too.
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I would help with the search, but I don't want to leave him vulnerable.
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I would rather you did not have to face it. Jin Rulan relies on you at his time. We will look, and I suspect we're far from the only ones.
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Wei Wuxian knows he is with me, too. When the threat has passed, you can help him heal.
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Wangji will probably come to verify Jin Rulan's state for himself.
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And now he panics.]
I don't know. [Is he sounding like Nie Huaisang? MAYBE.]
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I wouldn't bar him.
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I hope this is a step towards trust... on both sides.
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His anger is what frightens me.Lan Xichen...
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Sizhui is also missing. He is worried - because of the situation. He is not angry with you.
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I believe in you and your control. [Lan Wangji on the other hand...]
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I talked with him, when he left at the Lanterns Festival celebration. He agreed to... aid me in *my* redemption for failing to see the things that were wrong. To look with me, and let me take actions.
I trust him to abide by his commitment.
And I trust that in this matter, he will not find the information you gave is wrong, because you have no reason to come up with any of it.
So I do trust this situation.
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He has not let me touch him since Guanyin Temple, yet he came here and he has sought comfort again. We spent several hours resting together with Fairy on his other side.
I miss him.I have encouraged him to eat and drink. His body is safe; it's his heart that seems lost. If Hanguang-Jun can find it, he has my loyalty.
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For Wangji, to see you getting affection when his lifetime confidant can barely accept himself deserving of any
It pained him. And a part of him thought that you have tricked them into affection.
But the past cannot be undone. I believe that you have not done so on purpose, and I believe you about Jin Rulan now.
We will look for a solution, or at least information.
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If I could give all of it back, I would. Wei Wuxian has been fair to me and if the opportunity arises to help him, I will take it. However I did not trick either Lady Miu or Jin Ling.
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But... it was fake. It was a lie, a means for Jin Guangyao to make sure when he wanted Xichen to do something, Xichen would. And he had. He had, and now he is talking about Wangji, and Xichen can't...
Young master Wei treated Meng Yao, and then Jin Guangyao, fairly, and what did he get in return? What good is telling him that he's aware, when it mattered not at all?
It takes him a while to calm down about it. ]
Sometimes, life is not so simple as to allow loving someone to be enough. And it's never so simple as to allow us to take back what we have done.
I believe that you tricked neither of them.
Just... try to treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. That... shouldn't be too difficult, should it? Not as you think they deserve, not as you think anyone else would want you to. Only as you would wish to be treated yourself.
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I've never thought much about that.
But I will.
[How many times has he been knocked down, stabbed and suffered broken bones? Without Xichen, he wouldn't have lived as long as he did.
He owes him his life.]
I'm taking culinary classes. I want to cook for you when you are comfortable enough to receive it.
I am also considering an occupation in an art gallery. It wouldn't take me long to memorize the different art periods and artists.
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But he can contain his anger. He can try to be there for Meng Yao in ways that he wasn't before, while trying to not reward things that Xichen believes Meng Yao shouldn't do. ]
It is not easy to learn how to treat people when you're not meant to control them, I think. I will remind you until you get used to it. You are no longer chief cultivator, merely an ordinary... ImPort, I suppose. An ordinary cultivator. Let go of trying to steer things into certain ways. Focus on healing.
These things are good, and... I think the lessons won't be in vain. But do try to enjoy them just for themselves, not only for me, and also with the occupation you choose. Do you think that possible?
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I am only a man, Zewu-Jun. My name is Meng Yao - not Jin Guangyao. He perished in Guanyin Temple at the hands of Nie Mingjue.
I want to cook for myself too. A good diet will make all the difference in helping my body adjust to all of the changes.
I am an Import - if I exceed their expectations for the position, they will be tempted to hire me with or without this world's qualifications.
[Video]
Zewu-Jun. I...Can I ask you a question? It's about Lan Zhan and...something I saw last week...
[Video]
Over these?
[ He will ask, too, about how he feels, but for now... ]
[Video]
[ Because he has a feeling it'll end up being a very personal discussion and would rather it not be chanced upon. ]
If you're free?
[Video]
[Video-->Action]
[ It doesn't take him all that long thanks to the Porter before he knocks on Xichen's door. ]
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[ Xichen opens. He has made tea, because... tea. ]
Please come in. Settle down, rest.
[ He'll pour tea and also sit, don't worry. Even if you need to pace. Etc. ]
Are you well?
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The question has him smile with an absent little shake of his head. ]
I'm fine, Zewu-Jun. It's just...
I saw the whip scars on Lan Zhan's back. And the brand on his chest. He won't talk about them...What happened?
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Better than asking to take young master Wei's pulse. Probably. ]
Ah.
He ... would not tell you, no. They were a consequence of Nevernight, one that he submitted to when Uncle assigned it, and one that he inflicted on himself.
Are you certain you wish to know the details beyond that? He would rather protect you at least until you are better healed, and I do not disagree, but your choices also matter.
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Wuxian frowns at the information, gaze flicking around without really seeing as he thinks over what it means. Then huffs out a quiet breath, returning his attention to Xichen as he manages a small smile. ]
Thank you for your concern, but...I think I need to know.
[ And there's the doubt in the back of his mind on if he even can heal more. He keeps breaking. How many more times can he survive before he just...stops? Before he shatters completely? ]
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He can well understand the doubt about healing. But for both of them, the harm has been very recent, and they have not had time to rest and try to heal.
Xichen would soothe the worry, at least, or try to. ]
Please keep in mind that he never, ever would wish you to be hurt by any of this. It was his own ... his own life, when he did not suspect you would ever be back in it.
[ His words are calm, softer than the first time he said this, outlining Uncle's punishment for Wangji, the required time of healing. And then... ]
Even so, he went out of the assigned seclusion to go to Caiyi town and buy some Emperor's smile. He...
As far as I know, he was looking for a dizi. I guess he went to look for one in the rare items storage, where we often keep various instruments that nobody uses at the time. Unfortunately, a brand that was... removed from Nevernight after the fall of Wen Ruohan was also kept there. I found him passed out, with it on his chest.
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He listens...even when it's difficult. Doesn't interrupt. Hardly even breathes, let alone make a sound. He could chuckle, hearing Lan Wangji had gone out and bought liquor. But he doesn't. Because what happened after...hurts.
His gaze lowers when Xichen seems to be done- and what more can be said? His fingers dig into the cloth at his knees, deeper. Facts seem to click into place.
Not just accusations. Not just fancy. But facts.
Wuxian holds his silence for another few minutes, poking at the thought for real. Then nods, short and sharp and returns a steady gaze to Xichen. ]
One more question, Zewu-Jun. Because I know you know his heart.
Does Lan Zhan love me?
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Young master Wei, I think you would have known a long time ago if Wangji did not love you.
As to what kind of love, that may be for Wangji himself to answer, but...
In... my past, and the future you will probably return to, when you asked about the scars on his back, I also told you... something else, which is about Wangji, and about what I think you are asking, too. Would you like to hear it?
[ Or are you too tired now, which is something Xichen can well believe. It has not been an easy time for any of them. ]
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I would like to hear it.
[ He'll go pass out on Wangji later, and probably sleep far too long. But he'll also probably be allowed to. ]
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A long time ago, my father met my mother and fell in love with her at first sight. However, she did not love him as much. At one time, she killed one of the elders of the Clan, one of his teachers. She... would have been punished by death. But my father instead took her to the Cloud Recesses, married her, and told the elders, told the world, that she is his fated one, his wedded wife, and he would take no other.
But because of the crime she had committed, he found a house, and locked her into it.
And he found another house, and locked himself into it.
She... Wangji and I were only allowed to visit her once a month. She always met us with a smile, and never complained about being... imprisoned. She would tease Wangji, and you know how he is when teased, but I knew that he looked forward to it, every month.
Then one month, they told us she was gone. And he kept...
Month after month, he kept going there every month. Waiting for her to open the door. Even when he knew what it meant, he kept going, and waiting. [ He draws the xiao to him, but he doesn't play it, not right now. This time, young master Wei is asking different questions. ]
Once... when the Yiling Patriarch was at the height of his power, he asked me for permission to bring somebody to the Cloud Recesses. To protect.
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Finally Wuxian can't stay sitting still, pushes himself to his feet to start pacing. But doesn't interrupt.
And when Xichen tells him that last little bombshell, he almost stumbles. ]
You-
You're trying-
You're telling me that Lan Zhan-
...His fated person?
Me?
But I'm- [ brokenbleedingnotgoodenough ]
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[ This much, Xichen knows. There is not nor will there ever be anyone else for Wangji. But he will never put his wishes above those of young master Wei. Especially not when he believes it is unrequited.
Just like their father's feelings. ]
He... these years, he has been referring to you as his lifetime confidant. He would share your path with you.
But he will not force your hand.
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No. I know he wouldn't force me.
[ Even without the countless opportunities Lan Wangji's had to do just that.
Even with this information, he trusts Lan Zhan above all others, even himself.
He absently rubs at the side of his head, listening to the rest but no longer quite able to look at Lan Xichen.
It's a lot to think about. A lot to learn all at once.
He shakes his head again and takes a careful breath before turning to face Xichen, then bows formally, hands cupping in front of him. ]
Thank you, Zewu-Jun.
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Young master Wei. It was a pleasure to have you here. And... please, try to allow yourself to rest.
[ Is it important to say this? In all things, yes. ]
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You should too.
Text. After the conversation with Meng Yao on the network
Instead, carefully: ]
Given rope, he will hang himself.
Honoured brother, allow me a request.
text;
[ The reply is quick enough, but. Brief. ]
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Do not allow him to press more poison in the wound.
Do not give him your time or counsel.
Not until he’s proven worthy of it.
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I haven't sought him out. I haven't tried to give him much.
I don't know how he can prove he deserves if I don't at least look.
I don't know if he will truly try if I pull entirely away. I don't know
I'm sorry. You are right. But at least maybe he will remember about not trying to run people's lives, at least maybe a little. So something good was done, wasn't it?
I'll try.
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He seeks you. Every breath given, he will take ten.
Your regard all he wants. He will twist every sign, redefine every word.
You cannot save him.
He saves himself, or not at all.
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I'll do my best.
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I trust your judgement.
Admire your good will.
I will not allow him to squander either.
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I will be all right. I am aware that he wants more than he ought to. I am sorry that you had to witness that, but I thought keeping what we talk a secret would be far, far worse.
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You asked that I witness with you.
Has he made other attempts?
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Desperation.
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So, perhaps it is.
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There’s a longer pause as he tries to decide what to reply.
But in they end, they share the same blood. The same weakness.
However, there is no Cloud Recesses here to retreat to with forlorn and hopeless love. ]
He is not worthy of you.
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It's not the same.
And yet on the other hand, it is. Both at the same time. ]
I am only human.
But no, that is not something I'm thinking of. Or waiting for him to become better for, or... anything like that. I merely want him to be someone who is ... at least a little bit the kind gentle person he always pretended to be. Someone who'll deserve respect for his actions, as well as his existence.
Someone who can be happy, even. Not at the expense of others.
I don't intend to be a bargaining chip in this.
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If he acts again, tell me.
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I'll tell you. Hiding will not help anyone.
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Do you require my presence?
[ For calming music. Or just for company. ]
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I was thinking of going out to play in the park. Meditate.
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I will complete my current duties and join you.
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[ Except before he gets the chance, Xichen sends a picture of a man in white with a blindfold. In the park, sitting on a bench. ]
Wangji. Is this who I think it is?
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Daozhang Xiao.
Xiao Xingchen.
He’s here?
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I will take him home, if he agrees. He
This is unexpected.
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I have read Jin Ling's testimony.
[ So he knew the sorry fate that Xiao Xingchen met. ]
Is he alone?
Last memory?
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He's with you now?
Would you prefer privacy?
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[Text]
I
Did
Did Lan Zhan go somewhere?
He didn't come back last night.
[ Look who finally went back to Wangji's, even with his sister being here. ]
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Good. I'm glad they're having fun.
[ Well, he hopes they are... ]
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Time away will hopefully help. And they're not out alone.
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No.
Do you wish for company?
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I'm fine.
[ Mostly not a lie this time. ]
There's probably something around here I can do so he won't have to worry about it when he gets back.
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As you wish.
You possibly have a better idea about which appliances of this world Wangji has been ... avoiding. Perhaps you can figure out how those ones work, so that later you can walk him through it?
[ Because investigation, figuring how things work, those things seem like what young master Wei might enjoy, without complications. Other than maybe something blowing up, but Xichen will take responsibility for that. ]
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I'll try not to blow the house up!
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Unless, of course, you would rather not have things exploding in your face.
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I am glad to know that you are there.
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He will not hold it against you, that you needed it.
[ Against himself, perhaps, but not against Wei Ying. ]
Evening of 3/25
He looked and looked through every street and block, every nook and cranny of alleyways, in shops and in parks. He whistles to evoke that bark until his throat is dry. Eventually he becomes tired and he has but no choice to give up the search and go home to rest. He didn't want to give up. He can't be gone.
He sent a text to his father, and then his uncle next to see if they know anything and they can help. He should not burden this alone and his emotions become complicated because he's starting to remember his past and he needs to explain that.]
Uncle...I can't find him. And Fairy. I looked all over.
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Are you looking on your own?
[ After a moment. ]
His identifier. On the network. It seems disabled.
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Jin Ling. He's my roommate. He should have come home, but he hasn't for a few days now. I should have been there for him. Over the weekend, I disappeared...it's a port glitch and I returned back home, our home. Then I came back here again and I remember everything about my past.
I think so. But I think we should search for him still.
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Tell me where you are and I will join you.
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[Texts him the address and location of where he's living at, along with the number of his apartment unit number. He is all sad and grieving. The two are close and best friends. He just curls up on his bed, he didn't bother eating anything, just a cup of tea, and hoping his uncle will come. :(]
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[ Does Xichen think his nephew cannot manage all of this on his own? No, he does not.
Does Xichen think pain needs to be endured alone, without reprieve, when there are people who care? Definitely not.
So he does come, sooner rather than later, with nondairy ice cream in hand. Comfort food. He knocks on the door, his voice soft. ]
Sizhui?
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Company, he needs it now. He has cried hours before. Already missing his best friend, whom he holds dear. By the time his dear uncle arrives at the door, Sizhui opens it, he has calm down, but slightly unsettled. Trying to be strong to cover his emotional fragility that he hides beneath his Lan practiced calm.
Opening the door, he welcomes him in. The apartment is clean, well-kept, and tidy. But now quiet.]
Come on in.
[Seeing the ice cream, hopefully not melted yet. He brightens just a little.]
Ice cream...?
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[ Xichen's face is calm - not smiling, and the traces of exhaustion have not left (and now Sizhui might know why, those traces) - but in this situation, his kin needs the stability of his sect leader. And Xichen can give that. ]
It seems a good kind of thing to remind your body and mind to think in ways that are different from the usual.
[ aka, comfort food. ]
Unless you have forgone food for a while? In which case the ice cream can be dessert.
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[Sizhui is not sure how to respond to that. Ice cream and comfort food cannot replaced a friend he holds dear. But return home if he must...
But it would do. He needs time to adjust. So finding whatever inner strength he has, his arms almost trembled, his expression impassive to match that of Wangji's, he raised his arms and gracefully takes it from him.]
I had soups and congee I bought from the store.
[He'll try not to cry again. His uncle is one of the few where Sizhui can be less precautious about his emotional fragilities.]
Thank you. I'll try to...I'll try to eat...this.
[By this. The ice cream. Once he finds his will and strength. He shall be eating quietly on the sofa where his uncle is welcome to sit.]
Text. At like 2 am wtf
rabbits
cute rabbiits
black rabts
blck rabbits with red ribbon
Apologies
Incorrectt input
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What is sleep. ]
Are you home, Wangji? I can come and we can draw cute black rabbits with red ribbons together.
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nighth unt
rabbits
chicken
cow...?
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Please don't hunt rabbits or chickens or cows, didi. Let me know where you are and I will join you.
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need thm for house
wei Ying
mm
street of lights an gamblingg
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Yes. We can get rabbits and chickens for the house. We'll think about a cow. Definitely a cute black rabbit with a red ribbon. Are you in my city, didi?
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no doggs only Wei ying
white rabbitta too
no
ghosts and sand
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Cow big, and it is very easy to buy milk in this world. I will come to you in a moment, didi. Will you be able to find me if you hear Liebing?
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gege
how
reparation s with yunmeng jiang
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[ Xichen will find the street very fast, but unless he sees Wangji, he will play Liebing to let his brother find him. Eventually, when they meet. ]
What wrong have you done Yunmeng Jiang, didi, to seek making reparations?
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He sways as he walks, and turns his gaze to his brother almost in admonishment. ]
Wei Ying.
[ As if that explained everything. ]
I overstepped... gave dishonour to Yunmeng Jiang.
[ He frowns, brows pinching. ]
Do we need new rules for new world? I will carve them.
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... while new rules might be... necessary, I will think of what they may be. [ Lans do need rules, after all. But Xichen also reaches to hold his brother's hand and take his pulse gently, just in case. ] What did you do to overstep, didi?
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Touched.
[ Well that’s vague. ]
Wei Ying. Wei Wuxian. Yiling Patriarch.
The tighter one grasps the further they push. I will not push him from the cliff again.
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Then do not clasp.
But I think... I think that he does want you to touch him. He wants you to be the one to touch him, when he is ready to be touched.
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No.
No ties, no bounds, no gates, no restrictions.
[ He sank into himself a little miserably. ]
Wei Ying is untouched wilderness. I am carved stone. I will not make him run from me again.
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Do you think that he ran from you, or from himself?
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They are the same.
[ His heart is Wei Wuxian's. Whether he runs from Wangji, or from himself, he still runs.
Time to go to the petting zoo. ]
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They are the same, but also not the same. You have lived with your guilt for sixteen years, didi. He has had scant months.
It is not that your touch is a binding, or a limit, or a burden. It is that his guilt makes him feel his touch is so.
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[ This, certainly, a confession he would never make sober - just how much he has let Wei Wuxian touch him, how close he's allowed him.
Lately, no. Lately, he sets careful barriers between them, when he can manage it. Distance or time or sound. But that is for Wei Ying's benefit, not his own.
He looks like he might say something more, but he has gone one confession too far, and his lips thin instead.
So: ]
Hungry.
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[ Xichen's words come far too fast, before he can stop them. He understands, oh, he understands his brother. But he understands young master Wei, too.
He swallows the rest, though, and shakes his head. Wangji won't even remember this in the morning, but...
He couldn't not say them. ]
Let us go find something that is still open, then. Sweet, or savory?
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[ He says it with a rush of feeling, all too absent from his voice usually - an almost vindictive derisiveness against fate.
Is he speaking of Wei Wuxian or his brother? Both?
His expression turns sullen again and he looks back toward the lights of the party district behind them. ]
Chicken.
[ Who cares about Lan Rules when you are shit faced? ]
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You are a good man, Wangji. Young master Wei wants to recover enough so he can deserve you, that is all. Because he cares, and wants not only your touch, but your happiness. Just like you do for him.
We will go find chicken. I think one of the shawarma places nearby works through the night and they make grilled chicken.
[ ... don't ask him how he knows what shawarma is. The story is kind of boring. ]
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[ He let Xichen guide him, his usual grace and decorum mostly absent save in the way his spine stays straight even while he sways. ]
I knew.
I knew he was never undeserving.
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But he doesn't.
[ Alllmost there. ]
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He has calligraphy to do. ]
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Let's go that way, then.
Xichen will go with, and instead of trying to talk, hum a soothing Song to his brother. ]
[Showing up on the doorstep with zero warning]
He is son. What warning...
#lanaestheticHe's still. Not doing his best, not even his best since arriving here, but not the worst, either? He can't break down on his brother after these last two months.On his son either. ]
Jingyi. [ soft. ] Please, come in. Let me get bowls for the ice cream, you sit down.
[ The young one doing the work vs. the host doing it... Xichen knows where things are. So he's getting them. ]
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This is supposed to be very good, Zewu-jun, according to the people at the store I talked to.
[He finds himself a seat and plops himself down, setting the box on the surface in front of him. After a moment's thought, he makes a little 'aha' noise and pulls out a Lan-blue bow from his back pocket to stick it on top of the box. There. Much better.
After that, though, he not-very-surreptitiously-at-all studies Xichen. The two of them are a couple of generations removed in relation, and while Jingyi is definitely closer with him here than they were at home--having only a handful of familiar faces plus daily lessons makes a large difference--he is still ravenously curious about all thing related to his new dad.]
After you get bowls, are you not supposed to give me a big hug? Ask me how work is? Tell me I need to eat more? This world has added a whole list of father-and-son things that we are missing out on.
[Well. At least he had warned him ahead of time about the hugs?]
1/2
Do you need to eat more...?
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[ He will scoop the ice cream. Put away the box so it doesn't melt. Bring over the bowls and spoons and set them down.
Then settle next to Jingyi and open his arms gently. ]
Perhaps we can learn about what we should do together?
[ Come here, child. ]
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Well, maybe? Probably not. Maybe that one is not as relevant.
[Honestly, Jingyi is making things up as he goes along. He only had half an idea in showing up today, but that's a half more than no idea, so he figures he is already ahead of things.
The hug, though. As soon as Xichen sits down and assumes the hugging position, Jingyi is already halfway to giving him a nice, solid rib-cracker, though he only has the puppy version of Lan strength. He is enthusiastic and almost knocks over both of their respective ice creams.]
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Perhaps not the most relevant. But we can find others that are.
Thank you for coming to see me, Jingyi. And for bringing presents. I am glad that you are here.
[ There is no tease at all about this. Xichen means it. ]
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I am glad that I am here, too.
[And not just because he gets hugs. He gives Xichen a bright grin and slides back into his chair to pick up his spoon and use it to gesture with. With his other hand, he presses down on the gift he has brought and tries to explain first.]
Now I have been thinking very seriously about this, and I agree. I am certain that we can find a great many relevant traditions. I have been living with the other disciples for so long, so it is time to take advantage of having a father so close. And of you having a son so close. I plan to move sometime next week, and then I will be around all the time. So we have to plan.
[He points his spoon down at his ice cream.]
The first part of the plan is that you look like you need ice cream. You need to tell me if it is good, because we have to eat the whole carton tonight and I do not think I will fit the whole thing.
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Sorry, Jingyi, Xichen is really not back up to 100% yet.
Or even like. 30%.
But he is glad, and the cheer is very, very welcome. And he tries. ]
Are you sure we need to finish it all tonight? Not leaving some of it for breakfast?
[ He tries. ]
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It is the tradition. [He is very earnest.] I was reading what you and everyone else got so upset about on the network, and so I looked up what traditions are good for feeling better and one of them was to eat an entire carton of ice cream. So I have brought [he flourishes his spoon] an entire carton of ice cream.
[Context? What context?]
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I apologize everyone had to witness that, but... a lot of harm happened because he was able to hide what was happening from the cultivation world. And ... was too mellow and closed my eyes to too much. So now, I wish to make sure that if I am making the same mistake, there will be people who can see and correct me.
[ Beat. ]
... an entire carton. Well. Let us try that, then.
[ He reaches for one spoon of it, gracefully placing it in his mouth and closing his eyes, savoring the flavor. ]
It is very nice ice cream.
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Everything I have heard—[Gossip may be forbidden, but this had technically been news.]—says that he is very good at hiding things. If he was specifically hiding things from you, I do not think you should feel that bad. You are very smart. Hiding things probably took a lot of effort.
[There! Reassurance! Jingyi makes his way through another couple of spoonfuls and agrees that he did, indeed, make an excellent choice of ice cream, and then he shoves the gift box that he brought toward his new adoptive father. The topic clearly makes Xichen sad and he does not want to do more than acknowledge it and let the ice cream do its work.]
Here! Open this! This is the second tradition that I discovered. I think it is supposed to be attached to a day, but I did not want to wait for the proper day.
[And inside is...a mug.]
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I could have seen it, I think, if I had not chosen to trust him over those who warned me against him. And now... now is the harder choice. Is he trying to fool me again, or is he truly trying to be different. If I choose wrong...
[ Xichen shakes his head, then turns to pay attention to the gift.
Blinks. ]
... they put ... words... on cups?
[ Let's start there.
And yes, he is flustered. Listen, Wangji's signs of affection have always been Different, so this means a lot to him. ]
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[And he is very proud of this. The store over the internet had been most accommodating.]
And I drew our symbol myself, so the people could put it on the side.
[He does not answer the his new father's confession, though, as that is something that sounds...like he should think about before he speaks. Sometimes he can do that, and this seems like one of those times he should.
Instead, he leans over to point to the wording.]
See? 'World's Greatest Dad.' I thought it was funny, because we are in a new world.
[Text - Private]
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I will do my best. If he should let you know in the future it is happening again, without seeking me out, please let me know. It seems it is something he will not bring up unless he has no choice.
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I am glad that you get along.
audio;
audio;
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I was slightly concerned about my nephews... invitation post.
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Yes, that went into a rather unpleasant direction.
Keeping quiet or keeping it locked would have been worse, however. Still, I am sorry you had to witness it.
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But I am concerned for you. For those who are hurt.
audio;
I
It
He never planned to harm me. I think that may be the most frightening of all, to be considered so far above anyone else to be safe.
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I will not understand holding one life higher than another's. [ it goes against his principles and is...probably part of why he dislikes the big sects and the whole bloodline thing. ]
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And thank you - for understanding that. All lives are worth holding high.
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They are.
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But I try to do better now.
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Thank you, Daozhang. It might ... take a while before I can decide if I should, or I could, forgive myself. But that will not stop me from trying to do right.
It seems trusting too much is not wise, in the end. It allows one to be used, when placed in the wrong hands. But the choice to trust was... still mine.
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If someone misused your trust then the blame should be placed on that person, and trust revoked.
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Feelings are... more complicated.
But trust...
For sixteen years, I trusted him. And I was wrong. How can I now trust my own judgment?
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Little by little you will see that your judgement is sound and your trust will return.
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You are kind. It...
It may simply take time, as well as keeping myself from mistakes such as I have made.
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What about times when we can't forgive ourselves?
[Private Text]
He can resurrect the dead and I fully believe him capable of creating a Fierce Corpse.
[ right back ]
I'm more concerned for the living.
The creation of a fierce corpse requires resentful energy in the corpse first. Most here choose to move on. And with the nanites, if Xue Chengmei commits crimes, he will be punished by the local authorities accordingly.
Do you think he will choose to try it, anyway?
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As am I.
He has a talent for finding or causing resentful energy. I admit I helped him find the texts necessary to learn the art in the past.
I am attempting to distract him with safer tasks.
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You would?Please, be kind to him. In the end, much suffering was inflicted to him that he did nothing to deserve. A quest for knowledge can cause pain, too.And I thank you. I hope...
I hope, in this place he will find a path that will not destroy the few things he did care about .
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And you, Zewu-Jun.
Mm that is my hope as well. If I can convince him to learn more about proper cultivation, would you be willing to assist him?
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And thank you, Meng Yao. All of that means a lot to me. Even if the attempts do not work, it matters that you try.
And ... of course. So long as you do not expect Wangji to welcome him in the house.
text (a few hours after returning)
Zewu-jun, if I'm not disturbing you, could I ask your help?
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Nevernight?
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Yes. They told me some things but that’s where I die, isn’t it?
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Do you only have bloodied clothing with you? I can bring something less disturbing for you as I make my way there.
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[The less of a panic she can cause, the better. Or less than the one she already has.]
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[ And that is the last message before he shows up, with a set of clothes that are not robes per se, but a dress that is close enough.
And a box of chocolates, because chocolate, he has discovered, help a little in times of stress, and they can have ice cream when they return to the house. ]
Maiden Jiang. May I take your pulse while you see if these are to your taste, and before I let you change?
[ Taking pulse, passing spiritual energy... this world's medicine can regrow an arm, but... still. ]
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Of course. And thank you. I was worried my brothers might cause some trouble if I contacted them for help.
[Her back aches but they gave her something, she hadn't paid attention to what, that helped. So she shifted enough to sit on the edge of the bed for him.]
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I am sure you can understand now how your absence, though it has not been long, has worried them. I have made them aware that you are returned, so they do not suffer needlessly. But not where.
We will... return to the house? Either destination, I will help you to make sure you reach it safely.
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I didn't mean to worry them. I'll be sure to apologize when I see them.
[She doesn't regret her choice though. Knowing them, she's almost certain that they'd charge in and one would threaten the employees in his rush to know where she was and the other would probably holler her name until she answered, someone else did, or Cheng dragged him off by the collar.]
I can't think of anywhere else I'd want to go. [And she's ready to leave the hospital far behind her.]
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[ No, while Xichen used Maiden--
Madam Jiang's choice as an excuse, he had his reasons not to cave in on Jiang Wanyin's insistence. He will be, Xichen suspects, mollified by her presence. ]
Then let me help you as soon as you are ready.
After his parents returned home...
Uncle, I'm going to need your help with the rabbits. I suggest we must rehome them.
[He had thought about this. It wouldn't be fair to the aanimals. It's the only way to save them.]
-> action
And that is the fact that touch is important. ]
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He is tired for his age. He opens the door, and without saying a word, rushes into his uncle arms and hold him tightly and a river of tears flowing. The tears kept following, and he can't stop on it's own.
Quietly]
They returned home.
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They did. They will find each other again. And they will find you again.
[ It doesn't take away the pain of missing them here and now, of the gaping hole of their absence. Xichen knows that, hard as it may be for him, Sizhui is the one who feels it most keenly. One or the other of those two men have been part of his life, sheltering and protecting him, throughout his memory. With both of them absent, and as sweet as Sizhui is... ]
It will be all right, A-Yuan. And it's all right to cry.
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I'm glad they went home. I am very happy for them. Hanguang-Jun...Senior Wei...
[Sizhui already knew that they found each other. In a way, he knew they are fated for each other. Loosen himself from the hug]
Still the rabbits. In the hutch in the backyard. We have to do something about them. If one of us leaves and return home too, they need someone to care for them. So they be needing new homes, just in case.
[It's always the animals Sizhui concerned about.]
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[ He doesn't let go of Sizhui just yet, nor does he stop the soothing. ]
And I am thinking... we do not yet need to let them go. I can make arrangements for someone to take them home should they be left all alone, but while at least some of us are here...
They are a comfort, and company.
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[He grieves too easily, just as easily as Wangji. It doesn't hurt as much as the first time. Because he knew everyone will go home eventually. While he figured some of his friends came from different times, they will eventually all meet at the same destination. As he has seen the future. He has lived it, seen it, witness it.
So, while it's difficult, it's not hard to find calm.
With a sense of relief, he is relieved to hear his Uncle's wisdom and he is glad to contact him on the matter. Sizhui has always loved the rabbits and dearly loved them, caring for them as his own back home in Cloud Recesses.]
That's a relief. I would hate to think they're in their cages or they roam free in the backyard by the summer heat. Rabbits need someone to care for them.
[Though he did wonder if he can sneak some of them back home, as he can't carry them all and transport through the portal can be risky.]
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But Xichen is certain in the junior's strength. He has seen it, over the years, growing around Wangji's silences, around the rules of the Lan sect and his own discovery of the world.
Still... at this time, he is more than willing to lend what strength he has to Sizhui instead. ]
They do. I ... am not yet willing to part with them, as they were loved so by... Wangji and young master Wei. So it seemed right to find a different way.
after he spoken to Jingyi and Miu
So when they have time, he approaches his uncle to talk and discuss an important matter]
Uncle, I have spoken to Jingyi and Miu. It's hard on everyone. [Miu cried...cried a lot.] Remember the classes? Father usually teaches. [But he returns home, so the classes and schedule ended abruptly.]
Do we continue classes or suspend? I think it would be kind to suspend classes for a short period, at least for now. The juniors need more time...to rest and have fun.
[Just giving suggestions]
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Sizhui, I understand that you wish for freedom, but before I grant this, I wish you to consider the following, too.
The classes are but in the morning, and you have the entirety of the rest of your free time to rest, and seek out fun, as you say. Is it such a drain on your time, to spend this time together, focused on improving yourselves?
Second. Do you know what stalling in your development now, by missing those teachings, would do to you? To Jingyi? To Miu? Are you clear on the stages of cultivation for each of you, and that interrupting would be safe?
Third.
What do you think Wangji's answer to this request would be, if you are thinking of more than two or three days?
[ Yes, he remembers the classes. He has been teaching them next to Wangji since the first day, after all, difficult as facing the day has been, most of this time. And no, he is aware there are times to be lax and gentle.
But there are times when structure and a reason to keep going is needed more. ]
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[Stating simply.] Jin Ling returns home and Father as well. [Even though he's tend to be a silent teacher who speaks only in few words, but they're profound.] Senior Wei also. I feel like lessons is missing their warmth. So, my own darkness drains me. I know it's absurd to grieve for their absence, but I am grieving. That's what holding me back in my training.
[He realized the lessons are not fun at times. The lessons are meant to perfect one's cultivation, to overcome difficulties, to train's one spirit to overcome emotions and mind over matter, both mentally and physically.] Last I asked of Father, he has given three days, which is generous, and then I was able to continue the lessons because of his encouragement and with diligence and vigor. I don't feel like my cultivation levels has gone lower or lesser, and I resume where I left off.
[Searching his thoughts to articulate his thoughts. Of course, there's a reason why they have to keep going with the lessons. It's the only time the family spend time together.] Jingyi and I probably have no problem picking up where we left off since we were taught since we're able to walk, talk, and write. But I think it would be much harder on Miu because she just started a few months ago, and she misses Father terribly.
If Jingyi and I return home [as returning back to this one maybe slim, but Sizhui is a case where he does return and remembers], we will meet again, back to our village. But should Miu will return back to hers, not remembering any of this. Though I'm sure in her heart and soul, she'll remember us for all time no matter what worlds we're in.
[So Sizhui rethinks his request and puts up three fingers] Three [personal] days of grievance for us. That's my request.
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That is reasonable, and granted. I will attempt to draw in another teacher to supplement what I can offer, if he is willing, by the time we resume.
[ He reaches to squeeze Sizhui's shoulder. ]
Remember that the classes are not to make the darkness stronger, but to give you the protection of progress, of companionship, and of the support of teachers against it, instead. Coming together makes the dispelling of darkness, within and without, easier than going alone.
Miu's grief is deeper than that for the rest of us - I will speak to her, as well.
But you should remember this as well. Even if the separation now, the absence of both men who raised you, puts pain in your heart, do not let it forget that Wangji and young master Wei are there, as well. Always with you, as you are always with them.
After Wei Wuxian moves in
[A single text alone can't properly express how overjoyed he is]
I fear our home is inadequate in space. I proposed expanding our home. I shall hire people to renovate the attic and basement.
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Young master Wei stayed in your room before.
[ It's a huge house, Wangji. It will be a while before they run out of room. Young Jin Ling has is room, Xichen doubts that Jin Zixuan, once he comes in, would like a room separate from lady Jiang's... and so on. ]
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I showed him his room. Wei Ying doesn't feel like it's his own room. He just steps in for five minutes and he rather sleeps on the couch or on a rock or on the floor.
He wouldn't stay in mine. So I propose expanding the house. At least, turn the attic or basement whichever comes first. It can be done. If one of ours from our world show up, at least we have a room ready for them.
[He has all the time and energy to make the house bigger to prepare for a growing family. Because all of this just to make Wei Ying stay and don't go sleep on strange surfaces that isn't a bed.]
[Birthday]
For his honored brother, there's a wrapped gift of a brand new calligraphy set with bottled inks, but also a set of cute painted ceramic rabbit figurines. It's something to decorate the desk or put on the shelf.]
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The gifts bring a small hint of an almost smile, and, holding one of the ceramic figures in long fingers, he cups his hands and salutes his brother. ]
Thank you, Wangji. These are beautiful.
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With a hum of approval.]
Mn. I thought you might like them. You're welcome.
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[ Jingyi is still at an age where new things are easily adopted and sugar highs are welcome... but that's all right. Xichen is almost more indulgent with his adoptive son than with his brother.
Almost.
He tilts his head slightly. ]
Have you... calmed down yet, after what transpired over the last weeks?
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Mn? It was tiring. I remembered everything. Wei Ying did not. It's for the best not to mention anything.
But Wei Ying is aware his shijie is gone and he wants to be alone for the most part.
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Then he remembers, between the two of them, who has the better judgment about people. He lowers his eyes. ]
You are most likely to know best what he need. Only... if it becomes too difficult for him, try to remind him that she may yet return again. The way you did, and he did, and young sect leader Jin. In this place, little seems impossible.
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I'll remind him. For now, he requests a distraction. [Understably] So, he's going back to work and I'll remind him that he has a home here with us.
In the meantime, I will learn the recipes she left behind.