[ The music does fade, gracefully, leaving the two of them in the darkness. Xichen doesn't need to wonder if Wangji is awake, he can hear this breathing. ]
[ He feels guilty, for the lack of explanation. He knows his brother is worried about him.
Everyone else is spreading their truth around them like rivers running of their blood, concealing nothing, revealing everything. It was asked of them. He asked it, of his own brother. But the weight of truth is baring heavily and he knows that he is unable to give the same, to any of them.
Even his brother, who of all others alive could write his history out character for character nearly identical to Wangji's heart - there are still things they did not witness together. Things his brother guesses, but does not know. Things he reads but cannot see.
He wishes he could tell his brother everything - wishes for the comfort of it - but does not wish to give the burden. And he knows he can't give it to anyone else.
But there's one truth he is struggling with very deeply. It will have to be addressed. ]
... Lan Sizhui. [ Careful, quiet. ] Unknown, to Wei Ying.
[ He hasn't told him. He's not sure he can. But that concealed truth is proving a great weight on him, even if it would be better for Sizhui not to know. ]
[ If Xichen believed that his touch would bring comfort, rather than more irritation, he would reach to caress his brother's brow. He would hold him, too, but touch is complicated. Attention is complicated.
The room is already darkened, but he shifts until he is sitting next to the bed, but with his back towards Wangji. Close enough to touch, but giving him privacy all the same.
He considers the words. ]
I have spoken - will speak, from when you both are - to young master Wei about things that you could not. [ Would not. ] I can talk to him about that, as it would bring relief without endangering Sizhui.
[ Not in this world.
It is one of the few secrets that he kept from ... Meng Yao, before. He might have guessed, but Xichen doesn't think he cared enough to try. But young master Wei... it is different. Xichen knows that he fell thinking that all those he had loved, with the exception of Wangji, were either gone or had abandoned him. Even one more person not lost to that onslaught... that will be good, no? ]
[ He appreciates the proximity, even if he does not cross it. Even if he keeps perfectly still, hands folded against his chest.
The news that Xichen speaks to Wei Ying on his behalf is not surprising. Nor does it particularly worry him. He knows that sometimes he requires translation, and he trusts his brother’s discretion and judgement.
He’s silent for a long long moment, weighing the risks. The costs. He should be the one to tell Wei Ying, but he... can’t. ]
... Do not tell him of my involvement. [ He decides, in a low, quiet tone. ]
[ He would not ask for more. He couldn’t lie if asked directly, and he wouldn’t ask his brother to. He can only hope that the question will never be posed at all.
He’s not ashamed of what he did. Far from. But placing any burden of debt on Wei Ying’s shoulders now is something he cannot bear.
The only reason he thinks Wei Ying should be told at all is that it might soothe the smallest shred of his grief. If they were home, he would not - the Wens still far too reviled.
This is as much as he can offer.
He simply nods, almost invisible in the dark, yet certain his brother will know.
There are other torments, of course. Other things he longs to have answered. But Xichen could not answer them. And even if he could, Wangji knows the answers would only bring pain.
He closes his eyes and does as his brother bades him.
A moment later, blissful darkness subsumes his thoughts and he falls into a dreamless sleep. ]
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ze_uwu_jun) wrote2033-01-09 09:40 pm
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maskormenace
no subject
Rest. I will watch over you.
no subject
Everyone else is spreading their truth around them like rivers running of their blood, concealing nothing, revealing everything. It was asked of them. He asked it, of his own brother. But the weight of truth is baring heavily and he knows that he is unable to give the same, to any of them.
Even his brother, who of all others alive could write his history out character for character nearly identical to Wangji's heart - there are still things they did not witness together. Things his brother guesses, but does not know. Things he reads but cannot see.
He wishes he could tell his brother everything - wishes for the comfort of it - but does not wish to give the burden. And he knows he can't give it to anyone else.
But there's one truth he is struggling with very deeply. It will have to be addressed. ]
... Lan Sizhui. [ Careful, quiet. ] Unknown, to Wei Ying.
[ He hasn't told him. He's not sure he can. But that concealed truth is proving a great weight on him, even if it would be better for Sizhui not to know. ]
no subject
The room is already darkened, but he shifts until he is sitting next to the bed, but with his back towards Wangji. Close enough to touch, but giving him privacy all the same.
He considers the words. ]
I have spoken - will speak, from when you both are - to young master Wei about things that you could not. [ Would not. ] I can talk to him about that, as it would bring relief without endangering Sizhui.
[ Not in this world.
It is one of the few secrets that he kept from ... Meng Yao, before. He might have guessed, but Xichen doesn't think he cared enough to try. But young master Wei... it is different. Xichen knows that he fell thinking that all those he had loved, with the exception of Wangji, were either gone or had abandoned him. Even one more person not lost to that onslaught... that will be good, no? ]
no subject
The news that Xichen speaks to Wei Ying on his behalf is not surprising. Nor does it particularly worry him. He knows that sometimes he requires translation, and he trusts his brother’s discretion and judgement.
He’s silent for a long long moment, weighing the risks. The costs. He should be the one to tell Wei Ying, but he... can’t. ]
... Do not tell him of my involvement. [ He decides, in a low, quiet tone. ]
The boy was found, kept safe. That is enough.
Owes no debt.
no subject
I will not lie if he asks directly, but I will do my best to not lead him to question it.
[ Xichen knows exactly what Wangji is asking him. And yes, he knows that a lie would make it worse, but omission... that is different. ]
Rest?
no subject
He’s not ashamed of what he did. Far from. But placing any burden of debt on Wei Ying’s shoulders now is something he cannot bear.
The only reason he thinks Wei Ying should be told at all is that it might soothe the smallest shred of his grief. If they were home, he would not - the Wens still far too reviled.
This is as much as he can offer.
He simply nods, almost invisible in the dark, yet certain his brother will know.
There are other torments, of course. Other things he longs to have answered. But Xichen could not answer them. And even if he could, Wangji knows the answers would only bring pain.
He closes his eyes and does as his brother bades him.
A moment later, blissful darkness subsumes his thoughts and he falls into a dreamless sleep. ]