I have written out what happened for Wangji, who has yet to live for it, and for young master Wei. If you should wish to know, or at least know the key parts of the situation, I will answer. I think... at least some of the things about it became painfully clear in that conversation.
I
It
He never planned to harm me. I think that may be the most frightening of all, to be considered so far above anyone else to be safe.
The matter is clearly painful to you, Zewu-jun. I would not dare repay your kindness to me by asking you to relieve those memories. If you wish to talk I will listen but even not knowing the whole truth makes little difference to me. I know the type of person you are, that is enough.
I will not understand holding one life higher than another's. [ it goes against his principles and is...probably part of why he dislikes the big sects and the whole bloodline thing. ]
I... may not be that innocent as that, Daozhang. It may have been my lack of understanding [ because he cannot say 'blindness' to Xiao Xingchen ] rather than willingness to do ill, but ill was done...
Then, I am sorry for whatever happened. May you find peace here. As long as one tries to do better today than yesterday, is that not something to appreciate?
[ Xichen closes his eyes on his end. His voice is very, very soft, though not too quiet. ]
Thank you, Daozhang. It might ... take a while before I can decide if I should, or I could, forgive myself. But that will not stop me from trying to do right.
It seems trusting too much is not wise, in the end. It allows one to be used, when placed in the wrong hands. But the choice to trust was... still mine.
Peace is hard won. [ he is silent, taking in the confession of the other. ] Not trusting seems wiser but lonely, I would rather believe in a world that is good.
If someone misused your trust then the blame should be placed on that person, and trust revoked.
In a sense you cannot, but that is not your fault. Trust is hard won and easily lost, you will find peace again. Eventually. But it may take some time.
Little by little you will see that your judgement is sound and your trust will return.
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ze_uwu_jun) wrote2033-01-09 09:40 pm
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maskormenace
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I was slightly concerned about my nephews... invitation post.
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Yes, that went into a rather unpleasant direction.
Keeping quiet or keeping it locked would have been worse, however. Still, I am sorry you had to witness it.
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But I am concerned for you. For those who are hurt.
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I
It
He never planned to harm me. I think that may be the most frightening of all, to be considered so far above anyone else to be safe.
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I will not understand holding one life higher than another's. [ it goes against his principles and is...probably part of why he dislikes the big sects and the whole bloodline thing. ]
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And thank you - for understanding that. All lives are worth holding high.
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They are.
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But I try to do better now.
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Thank you, Daozhang. It might ... take a while before I can decide if I should, or I could, forgive myself. But that will not stop me from trying to do right.
It seems trusting too much is not wise, in the end. It allows one to be used, when placed in the wrong hands. But the choice to trust was... still mine.
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If someone misused your trust then the blame should be placed on that person, and trust revoked.
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Feelings are... more complicated.
But trust...
For sixteen years, I trusted him. And I was wrong. How can I now trust my own judgment?
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Little by little you will see that your judgement is sound and your trust will return.
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You are kind. It...
It may simply take time, as well as keeping myself from mistakes such as I have made.
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What about times when we can't forgive ourselves?